a maaaajor overload of christmas snapshots

Currently, I am sitting in my office and I'm aaaalllmost positive I'm the only person on campus? Which is probably best because every few minutes I pull out my phone, open up snapchat and make faces to my camera. So that's a pretty good indication of my morning. Otherwise, I'm entertaining myself with Besty-Tacy books and Scandal  on Netflix, and trying really hard to decide if I look better with mascara on my bottom lashes or not. 

Besides my slowly-ticking hours in my office, Christmas break has been a real peach.  Because I'm the youngest in my family, I never really experienced watching little humans opening gifts on Christmas morning. I was missing out because watching my little niece hug her pillow pet the minute it came out of the wrapping and exlaim "how did you know this is JUST WHAT I WANTED!" was enough to get me through until I can have little babies of my own. Which, lets be real, is years away. By default. Not by choice, I assure you. Can you tell I'm baby hungry? Those kids just get to me. Their little waves and their excitement to share literally anything (including the food inside their mouths that they are currently chewing) is to die for!

Anyways. Here is a large amount of pictures with no rhyme or reason, jut a peek into my past week.

 + last week, taylor and i hit up pop n sweets per tradition to catch up on dating and...dating? oh, and huckleberry soda. we then took seth up to the airport and it made me oh so nostalgic for our seattle trip.

+ this cat. just doesn't like me. wtf. 

 

+ sethy boy, post knee surgery!

 + smith family tradition of sunday night walks and snowball fights (see: chris' back. courtesy of yours truly).

 

+ on monday night, we met up with G&P&kids in salt lake for a walk around temple square and dinner at my grandparents. it was less of a scenic walk of temple lights and more of shoving elbows to get through and constantly counting heads to make sure we had the right children. we didn't want a home alone situation on our hands. kevin's not here! yeah. 

 

 Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was a blur of pajamas, naps, walks, gingerbread contests, naps, and lots of hugs with the littles. And now that I'm looking at the picture below, I'm really sad I didn't take more advantage of all those treats at the time. I am hungry and stuck in here SOS! Ok that's dramatic. I'm getting paid to be here. Alone. 

-__-

Oh hi kitty. 

harold b lee + m + caesar = the men in my life

What a week, am I right??

I have spent the majority of my time this past week either on mega-bed - the bed Mimi and I made downstairs per finals week tradition - or in the library studying my brains out for finals (and, this just in, I only have one left so feel free to start slow clapping).

Scratch that. I have also been spending a lot of time with a boy. I know, guys, I KNOW. More on that later.

Aside from a plasma-gone-wrong situation that I had on my hands (er, my arm?) that left me with a giant bruise and a reprimanding from Pam and Chris, my weekend was great.  I mean, I didn't really sleep much last week on account of school work and boy time, so I typically spent most of my mornings on campus playing "I wonder if I could fall asleep on that" in my mind.  On Thursday night, after all assignments had been turned in and I had wiped away tears of joy for never having to do math homework again, M came over for a night of cuddling and bonding.  3 hours of buzzfeed and a movie later, I was one happy girl.  When he got home that night, he sent me a text and let me know that I would be going out to dinner with him that weekend.  Cue swooning.

So on Saturday, after a day of music practice for our ward Christmas program and constant stress over what I would wear on my date that night, he picked me up and took me to a Thai restaurant.  Which, along with donuts, is another of my love languages. It was such a good time - I felt so comfortable around him right from the start, and as soon as we got up from the table to leave, he put his arm around me.  We then went back to his apartment and met up with his roommates and their girl (space) friends, followed by a night of walking around the Riverwoods and stopping in at Nickel City, just for good measure. (sidenote: we played a game there that was so hard - it's a one-player game and you put your head into this helmet that's attached to an arcade game, and it zooms in on the planes you are supposed to shoot down. the helmet rotates 360 degrees and you have to turn in circles all the time to hit all the planes coming at you. when i got home that night, i saw that i had a snapchat from him from a few hours earlier...IT WAS OF ME TURNING IN CIRCLES AND DODGING FAKE PLANES and i looked like an idiot. just...no). It was so fun - he was holding my hand and he made me feel so comfortable it was just a perfect night. We all went back to their apartment where we had hot chocolate and played the funniest card game that I probably won't ever recommend to anyone that flinches when they hear "closet hanger abortion." Because that's just not a laughing matter.

But it actually is. 

Then, after hours of being together, he took me home and we made out in his car like we were back in high school hugged goodnight. Only then did I look at my phone to see that we had been together for 9 hours. NINE. And it was perfect.

Other than a few run-ins at the library, we haven't seen each other since then. Because finals are driving us all to the breaking point. As you can see below.

And yet another library picture, because other than watching The Carrie Diaries on mega-bed and the occasional night with M, the library is all we do. 

Which brings us to today.  This morning at 10:30, I left to go pick up a friend and take him to an auto shop.  While I was out, I called Mimi (who even though was in the shower still answered her phone) and told her I would pick up a pizza for us.  I guess I forgot, however, that most people don't need pizza at 10:45 in the morning, so Little Caeser's doesn't open until 11. 

It's fine! I'm loyal enough that I will just sit here for 15 minutes until you open! 

-__-

And, just for viewing pleasure:

Mimi. In the shower. 

what the end of the semester looks like

the chipped nailpolish really adds to the i'm easy going and low maintenance look i've been going for lately, don't you think?

If by shower, you mean did I slap on some leggings and put on deoderant, then yes. I did shower today. 

See here's the thing, last night, after McDonald's with Jennae, Panda Express with Taylor and Seth at their apartment, and roommate bonding (+ Melissa!!) over the VS Fashion Show, I was about ready to turn in when a boy invited me over to watch New Girl at his apartment.  Two things I love:

1) boys

2) New Girl

So 10 minutes later, I found myself at his apartment.  After a night of cuddles and such, I finally made it home only to realize that I HAD A LESSON PLAN DUE TODAY THAT I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT. I had marked yesterday as my lazy day - I even wrote in my planner no work today accompanied by a little drawing of elephants and confetti. No. Joke. So you can imagine my surprise when I had to force my eyes to stay open until 4 am to do a lesson plan. Darn school.

So this morning, after I had slept for a good couple hours, I woke up to get ready for work and almost screamed when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror.  The image was frightening - bags under my eyes the size of actual grocery bags (that visual is actually disturbing so forget i said it), hair the texture of carpet, and mascara mysteriously spread all over my face. What had I even done in my sleep?? How did I have time to make myself look this way? Seriously, I have stored that selfie image away in the same mental filing cabinet that also stores me seeing a naked German grandmother in the locker room and photos of the Holocaust and every story of child abuse I've ever read and Janet Reno's picture. It was terrifying.

Speaking of VS Fashion Show, 3 things:

:: Mimi decked out and bought us yummy treats and decorated with her Pink dogs. 

:: I actually couldn't decide whether to feel self loathing and resentment towards the floating-rib-less models, or stoked on the fact that I get to eat and they don't. All the food in front of me made the decision for me. 

:: I don't have a third thing?? 

latkes, outfit repeater, whining about finals (but what else is new?)

Funny things about today (and it's not even 9 am!):

I woke up with one earring, I suppose, and am just now realizing it.  Here at work. Cool.

The items on my to-do before monday!! list that still aren't done. HA.

I'm re-wearing the outfit I wore on Saturday night (we all do it) to a Hannukah party. A party at which I spent the better part of two hours making latkes. So basically I smell like McDonald's. COME AT ME BOYS. 

Otherwise today is a pretty standard Monday in which I'm already dreading the rest of the week.  In the past, finals week has been stressful (and usually accompanied by a terrible sickness, but good thing my body just decided to be sick all semester so my body didn't have to adjust for just that one week that was already delivered by Satan himself) beyond belief, but this year, my finals week will be pretty tame. 

It's THIS week - the one leading up to finals - that is probably going to kill me. I mean it.  In fact, the other night when I went to Noodles&Co with Emilee, we started to devise a list of things we would rather do than finals prep, which included ridiculously reasonable things like chewing on teeth and eating an alligator (who are we??). Without further ado, I present to you my revised list:

:: peel 4,000 potatoes. with a spork.
:: read the collected works of snooki.
:: crawl a mile. around a track. made of gravel.
:: clean every bathroom in downton abbey.
:: listen to mariah carey sing the national anthem on repeat for 5 hours.
:: med school
:: shave 400 poodles with a razor in a hot, wet sauna
:: test the temperature of lava with my pinky toe
:: get trained in the Dewey Decimal Sysem. in braille.
:: literally anything.

But other than school anxiety, my weekend was great. It started on Thursday night, when Mimi and I attended the Christmas IDP (note: neither of us are big fans of idp's but we're big fans of our friends so we had a good time dancing in a parking garage to christmas dubstep).  The rest of the weekend was followed by lots of snow, cuddle time, [some] tears, dating talks with Taylor (always), dying Jennae's hari, netflix, a Hanukkah party, pot roast, the Christmas Devotional at Temple Square, and ended with story time at Emilee's. Needless to say, it was pretty great, so bring it on, finals! I can take you!






Literally.

latke queens. so yeah, if you see me on campus today, i'm wearing this exact outift. just fyi.

i love these boys. they make you feel like a million bucks. 

 

i have zero good feelings towards that girl in the background.

worst picture ever! but just an obligatory picture of temple square lights.

 

i can't stop

Baths are my time.

Not in some dramatic way like it's an escape from the world i need my alone time blah blah.
No, I just mean I am literally naked in a giant porcelain bowl and I usually end up turning out the lights in the bathroom due to the fact that I'm not super into my naked body.

So yesterday when I got back to my apartment and settled in, I realized that my bathtub was probably pretty lonely without me so I turned on the water and slapped on a shower cap and voila I knew it was going to be a good, albeit it overwhelmingly unproductive, evening.  *sidenote: doesn't it seem impossible to get the right water temperature in baths? like, all the time? like, when i first dipped my toe in, i thought i had blistered my toe off of my body it was so hot. so after very ungracefully climbing out from the depths of hell and hurriedly turning the nozzle, i waited a few seconds (seriously, probably 17 seconds at most) to allow the cold to infiltrate the hot.  again, i dipped my foot in it and i think my water had been imported from the titanic.  i just don't get it guys.

Moving on!

Yesterday, in the bathtub.  I brought in my current read Devil in the White City (thanks Michael!), my laptop for when I got tired of holding up a book, and left my phone in my room to charge.  A metaphor, of sorts, that I was leaving the world behind me.

Except I guess not because I brought in my laptop.

**this is an OLD jamba juice water cup. trust me, even if i wanted jamba on a sunday, i couldn't find one that is open in utah valley. 

But after a good half an hour of reading about a serial killer wooing women at the World Fair in Chicago (did that catch your interest? read the book - it's so good and spooky) and an attempt at watching a show, I, true to form, turned out the lights and turned on the music and closed my eyes.

And Can't Stop by OneRepublic came on, which lately I have been loving.

Because seriously it conveys my sentiments exactly.

I guess this is what it's supposed to feel like
When we don't talk, no we don't talk, we don't talk anymore.
I guess this is what it's supposed to sound like
The universe, the universe, universe is torn.

I know I can live without you
I can live without you half the day 

I know I can live without you
And put life off for another day 

But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore

I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore 

I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore 

And all I've got

Is nothing I want
Anymore. 

I know. Guys, I know.  I'm so so dramatic (cause obviously this is in reference to A, DUH) and why can't I just stop thinking about him?? But that's the thing. I can. And I have been able to.  In fact, ever since our talk, I have felt the closure I always needed. 

It's more that I don't really want to not think about him.  Remember how he's one of my favorite people?  Today, Jamie Taylor came into the office with leftover Carrabba's (for the fact that it's my favorite restaurant I sure need to learn how to spell it, I spell it differently every time) and of course I wanted to text him. Last night, he snap chatted me (like, it was a mass SC, but still) and when I saw it come in I think my heart kinda stopped? Just seeing his name on my phone still is such a fun feeling for me? 

Gosh dang it.  What's wrong with me.


Also, because I stayed up to an ungodly hour last night, this morning I wanted to put in minimal effort when getting ready.  Meaning I work up half an hour before I had to leave, showered, and put my hair in a bun. When I got to work, one of the student leaders walked in and, before even saying hi, she said "oh, so i wasn't the only one that didn't want to get ready today."  -__-  Then, my professor literally 4 minutes ago was calling roll and when he got to me, he said "whoa! i got scared by the new 'do. didn't recognize you."

What the what.

AT LEAST I SHOWERED.  In the spirit of Thanksgiving, let's all be thankful for that. 

fainting goats, swag, and an overall great holiday

I can't even begin to explain just how wonderful and overwhelmingly unproductive my Thanksgiving break was.  To sum it up: lots of sleepovers, mom food, and quality time with some of my favorite boys.  

The whole week of Thanksgiving was perfect, starting with cancelled FHE (sometimes being the mom requires making judgment calls liiiiiike...we all have lotsa stuff to do? no one would come anyways? etc. etc.?) which resulted in me going to my first official Fainting Goats hockey game. Which, let me tell you, was really fun. Albeit the club games lack in fights, they more than make up for it with team paraphernalia and a venue that offers hot dogs. Oh, and also skill.  They were good. 
  

The rest of the week seemed to follow a sort of pattern: days spent with the family, evening spent curled up in bed/on someone's living room floor watching a movie or (my new favorite) Revenge, and lots and lots of bonding with Emilee and some of my favorite boys.

les mis (sing-along version, of course, cause when is it not??) at emilee's

wedding reception with E!

pizzookie and cuddle night with taylor and berry (who i generally love, but she gave me a vicious scratch that makes me look borderline suicidal so we stopped hanging out after that night)

my mom was hanging a garland around the front of the house and she kept asking me and emilee if there was enough "swag".  We think she was going for "slack", but we didn't stop her.

i had forgotten about my love for cubby's until friday night, which was spent laughing over sweet potato fries and tri-tip steak.  we were then inspired to see the funniest movie ever, austenland.

after which, we invaded seth's friday night by waiting in front of his apartment until he got home from work, where we greeted him with a special pussycat dolls dance party. except do you know how actually hard it is to l"loosen up" a boy's top button on his collar?? so we called it good, went inside to eat pizza, start a fire and watch elf.

It was such an ideal week spent with some of my favorite people (although it does feel good to be getting my CT 29 girls back), and on Sunday morning, when I met up with the boys yet again to go to church with them, I became so overwhelmed with what good boys they were. I'm serious.  As we were sitting on the couch passing the time until church, they were just casually talking about gospel stuff.  It wasn't a big deal, but I love how it just came so naturally to talk about the Church. So, that being said, long live good boys.  Cause one day I'm gonna make one of them my husband. Except maybe not one of these boys in particular.






Just to clarify.

a friday packed with abc family christmas movies + weekends that just make you warm and happy

Wow how was that for a post title? I think I took a nap just while writing it.

Hey.  My weekend was delicious. 

:: We lost our flag football game.  This sounds bad (and it is) BUT it also happened to be the same night as our coach's birthday so amidst our flowing tears from losing, we were also excited to take our minds off our loss by celebrating Coach C's birth (complete with a birthday party at his apartment)

:: Friday consisted of donating plasma, awkwardly going to Costa Vida for the second time in just as many days, but this time to pick up my purse, and decking the halls of CT 29.  Mimi went and picked up some decor and, combined with Courtney's Christmas stash, we created the humblest abode of holiday cheer.  In fact, it was so cheery that Mimi and I couldn't bring ourselves to leave the apartment. Except to pick up Little Ceasar's only to retreat back up to our rooms and continue on the ABC Family Christmas movie marathon we had going.  Seriously, it was the best Friday I could ask for.  I cleaned my room while watching The 12 Dates of Christmas (recommend!) and it took almost the entire length of the movie just to clean.  I know, woof.  You would think my closet was the passageway to Narnia the way it kept producing more and more places to stash things. 

we just couldn't go on decorating unless Griswold Christmas/Christmas Vacation was turned on

what our friday night looked like

::Saturday consisted of sleeping in, a quick bra-less trip to the grocery store (aka my way of letting the world know that I'm not ready to function quite yet) and a matinee of Catching Fire with Meemz.  And we got into it.  Ever since our freshman year and our weekly Thursday Night Dollar Movies, we have known that we are the worst to bring to movies. We can't shut up.  We are either catching up, commenting on the movie, or just gasping really loudly because too much time has gone by between exchanged words.  But guys that movie was so good.  Then Mama Smith came over for a quick visit where the three of us talked about dating and...dating. Obvi.  Cause what else do 20-somethings talk about with their mother?

That evening, we went to Emilee's for a Pazookie and Puzzle night in which I talked to A (and it was totally fine! so fine, in fact, that mimi and I couldn't stop talking about how natural and cordial the whole encounter was...i think all that happened last week was the closure i finally needed to let go? maybe? moving on), bonded with some of my favorite ladies, and sat in between two boys that had me swooning due to their musical abilities (and one asked for my number! like, my weekend was perfect). 

:Sunday, we slept in yet again, and after church, Mimi and I laid in my bed in my dark room and just cuddled and bonded until Courtney's friends came over for a Friends Thanksgiving dinner.  Our apartment - which, let me just remind you, was decked out so we got major domestic points - was packed with friendly people and yummy food.  Courtney has this angel friend, Mary, who is special (ok so I say that because I don't know what's wrong with her? I don't want to be that ignorant person that says she has down syndrome then I find out she has autism and suddenly I'm condemned as a social pariah because I don't have my disabilities straight. I'll have to ask Courtney later).  But she's such a dear.  She sat with me, Mimi and Mimi's man all night, which really proved for some funny conversations (farts, Anne Frank, and the Virgin Mary...you know).  

sunday selfies with courty-court (sport court? or, the boys favorite, escourt).

It was the perfect kickoff for Thanksgiving week. 

always be my baby

- - - - -

First, an announcement. I'M PREGNANT.

Ok so maybe that joke isn't funny? The problem with making an announcement like that here on the web is that I make all kinds of jokes and I never have any idea whether you think a particular joke is funny or, even worse, you think it's true and you say to yourself I knew she looked pregnant in the shirt she was wearing the other night. -__-

Anyway, if for no other reason, I should stop making the pregnancy joke (I tend to do it a lot around the roos and such) because what if one day I actually do become pregnant and then I'm really excited to tell you and no one believes me? Then who would throw me a baby shower and slap my child at the grocery store? Or does that not happen anymore?

So. On to the real announcement. 

I have found what I want to do with my life. 
Namely, sing at karaoke bars.

Tuesday night, Mimi and I joined Emilee + crew to belt a little Mariah Carey (and Ciara...and Michael Jackson...and Barenaked Ladies) in front of the youth of Provo.  Including a 7 year old diva that I might have almost killed had it not been for the fact that I think she swallowed Christina Aguilera.  Those pipes, man!  They were gooooood. 

So Mimi and I, after minutes of pouring over the binder full of song options, slapped ourselves in the faces after we realized DUH we have to sing Always Be My Baby.  And our loyal friends stuck around for song after song. After song. After songs. Until 11pm and the restaurant was basically empty except for aforementioned diva's family.  And boy.  Mimi and I killed it.  Especially considering I was sick as a dog and the lyrics on the screen were definitely not right...? Oh, and how uncomfortably close I kept getting to the DJ/spinmaster/karaoke guru that I'm almost positive is a pimp. 



Secondly, doesn't this weather just make you want to drool? I live for fall, I swear. 

how can someone dump you when you're not even dating in the first place?

I woke up and my ribs felt bruised from thinking so hard on the events of yesterday.  For the fact that A and I haven't dated in almost 6 months and -  aside from the past month or so - haven't really been all that close, last night when called me it felt an awful lot like we were breaking up again.

The call started with "So I just wanted to say a couple more things that I forgot to say earlier..." and we delved into the confusion we [I] created by talking about how we were still very interested in each other, yet we both knew that dating was out of the question.  I was expecting him to say We probably shouldn't hang out any more than usual just to preserve our hearts yada-yada.  Instead, he said "The way I see it, we have two options.  Option number 1: we date, and likely run into the same problem down the road.  Option number 2: we let each other go." 

I'm mad at him.  I'm confused by him.  How can something I feel so good about (aka him) be the same thing he feels so wrong about?  I have never in my whole life been able to relate to the cliche lines in movies, but after the 45 minute phone call with him, I think I officially accomplished all cliches from Rom-Com's (except there was a whole lot less witty banter and hot make out scenes):

+ I have never felt so vulnerable in my life.  In a moment of brutal honesty (which we both agreed is the only way to have this kind of conversation) I said "I know, 100%, that I would date you, A." And he agreed, yet still is being held back by a "feeling."

+ I told him that I just wanted him to be happy, with or without me. Which, oddly enough, is true.  Sure, at that very second I kind of  wanted to go Carrie Underwood on his ass (sorry mom) buuuuuuut I also do care about him enough that if I had to sit in on his wedding one year from now, I would be completely happy for him.

+ We kept talking in circles to avoid hanging up.  Because we knew that as soon as we hung up, it was over. Dunnzo.

So here's my question.  And maybe I'm a little mad at myself for letting him slip away like this not once but twice now.  Why does he get to call the shots?  Why does he always get to be the one that interrupts my evening to end things? Why isn't my opinion just as important as his? What about me?

Here is what I would like to say to him (aside from calling him out on his temple tantrum [not to make fun, but i have come to decide that what he was feeling was not necessarily a prompting but an actual fear of his feelings...is this getting too dark and twisty for you? i'm almost done, promise!]):

I don’t think we kiss as much as we should,

And you’re the only person I will right now,

Because I’m a little in like [love?] with you,

And it’s terrifying.

There are approximately 50 million obstacles between us,

But I have the energy to break them all down,

and not the bravery to tell you that.

I know it's crazy that three days ago, I was talking about other boys and A was just a friend.  But yesterday, I decided to put my heart on the line and express feelings to him that I have had since June.  And because of that, currently, he's the only one on my mind. And my heart? Is that a thing? I don't know. Ok, dark and twisty is over.   

gloomy days (and i mean that literally - it was raining outside. that wasn't some metaphor for my emotions) call for a selfie in the bathroom? right? also included is the jamba that jamie taylor got for me - it's becoming my favorite tradition.

a moment of bravery which still didn't end with a boyfriend + a car accident (including pictures)!!

an old picture of A and me on my birthday...don't be fooled by my face - i was definitely crying. i hate ferris wheels. 

Remember A? He has kinda been a big part of my life since last winter (almost one year ago!), and he's made a few appearances on here before.  Everytime I see him I get excited for when I'll see him next, even though he's still right there in front of me.  I lose myself when I am with him and every time he smiles or laughs at something I say.  Butterflies in my stomach.  Heart jumping out of its cage.  I've actually never felt this way about someone before (STOP LAUGHING AT HOW CHEESY I AM). To him, I feel an emotional and intellectual connection. And last night - and the past week or two - I realized something.  I want him.  I want him because he makes me smile and laugh.  I want him because I get excited when I look at him, as soon as he comes around.  I want him because we have inside jokes that nobody else knows about, and I want him because I feel like we can talk about anything.  I want him because we can stay up late watching episodes of New Girl  or really anything and laugh along the way.  I know I want him because I see things that remind me of him and I want to text them to him and we can laugh about it.  I want him because he fascinates me, because I learn from him.  I want him because I can look at him without saying a word and I know how he's feeling.  And because of how regularly we've been seeing each other, it's been almost impossible for me to not think about him:

::Last Saturday, we went to Target together and as we pushed the cart together (even though he hates when two people are controlling the cart) around the store, it felt so natural.  I'm sure people thought we were dating because of how we were acting.  

::On Wednesday night when I went over to watch New Girl with him and his friends and we would laugh at all the same things and make the same comments.  

::And when he loyally sat through the entire Lil Nugz first playoff game on Friday, I found myself wanting to be off the field so I could be with him.  

::Then when he texted me later that night asking me to pick him and T up from a party, and we all ended up in his living room chatting. 

::And finally, last night, as we sat next to each other at a game night playing catchphrase, I thought to myself I am not over this guy.  

So, after talking to the roos about it last night, I decided to be brave/annoying/one of those desperate girls that always has to talk about her feelings (you get the point?) and I texted A this morning asking if we could get together sometime this week! And 30 minutes later, he was at my house and we were eating dino nuggets.

And within minutes of him being in my kitchen, I spilled the beans. Hey A? I'm still not over you. Ok so it was a little more smooth than that, but you get the point.  After saying basically the same thing a million different ways and telling him that being with him lately has made me realize how great he is and how I compare every guy I go out with to him, he smiled and told me HE FELT THE SAME WAY.  He explained how he has never felt about another girl the way he's felt about me, and how this past week he has thought about me a lot. At this point, my hands and my voice had stopped shaking thank goodness because I was actually worried that it was early onset Parkinson's. And then we talked in circles for the next half hour or so (until one of my roommates came home and somehow we ended up re-enacting our first date for her in which he swears I was begging for a kiss which I wasn't).

Before he left, we just kept hugging. And while we agreed that we weren't going to date unless miraculously we both felt that it was completely right because breaking up one time was enough for both of us, it felt nice to have all of this out in the open.

The best thing he said today: Christina, there aren't many people that I care about as much as you.  I have my family and my circle of close friends (all of which are boys I know), but outside of that you are the person I care most about.  And the sincerity in that comment was enough to keep me going for the next few days.

Sigh. I'll keep you updated.

Next order of business: I got in a car crash.  I got in a car crash.  It was stupid really.  I was driving down the hill from Orem to Provo, and I started sneezing.  Who even knew that sneezing could be so lethal?! Anyways, next thing I know...my car was stopped. By another car. Immediately following some expletives, I got out of the car and apologized profusely to the grandma in the CRV that I so rudely interrupted. And while I remained calm basically through the whole ordeal, poor Dave from the insurance company experienced anything but calm.  I called him from the comfort of my own couch and promptly started bawling over the phone.  I'm sure he was used to women (and men?? it's ok if you cry too men. destroying a very expensive piece of metal affects even the most emotionally stable of genders out there) crying when he asked And what year and model is your car? 

thanks, dad, for still loving me even after i did, well, that. woops. 

Also, Mimi and I tried out Sodalicious and it's safe to say that I'm addicted.  The drinks were on point, and the workers are the cutest ladies that just want to hang out.

this is quite possibly the worst picture ever.  mimi, for clarification, does not have a gold tooth and i...just was struggling with keeping my eyes open. i guess. 

 After re-fueling at Sodalicious, I went on to join the Lil Nugz in winning the first round of the playoffs.  So feel free to come and cheer on your favorite gals at 7:15 on Thursday.

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This week:

:: I was taken to “social sev” on Tuesday night, and I think that the fact I referred to a 7-11 in Provo as “social sev” makes me a douche.  But nevertheless, I went because when you do live in Provo and an old friend (and by old I actually just mean new but forgotten/neglected/we hooked up once and therefore couldn’t look each other in the eyes for 2+ months…now I’m rambling?) wants to catch up, it’s not like we can just go to a bar and drown our awkwardness in double seven and sevens.  So! Hot chocolate and convenience store donuts it is!  Which, if you know me, you know that donuts are my love language. So he was spot on in suggesting that we go there.

:: This week I have felt especially spontaneous.  And while my to-do list I wrote on Sunday night is longer than most children’s Christmas lists, I have neglected the necessary to attend to the extra-curriculars. Read: not doing homework because better options keep coming up.  Emilee wants to go on a hike? Yes! Offered the chance to drive the vespa? Me oh my YES...(it was fun until I completely crashed into a hummer and was laying in the road with a scooter on top of me. Then it just became hilarious.) Mimi wants to take a quick trip up to South Jordan? You bet I’m on board!  Social Sev is serving steamed milk? Hells yeah I’m there (and now I’ve said Social Sev twice in one post…you can just slap me next time you see me).  A wants to watch New Girl with me? Of course I'm not busy! 

This leads me to another thing: spontaneity at its finest, really.  You know the itjustgetsstranger blog? Well I have a crush on Eli.  The author of the blog. So I decided to email him and let him know I’m available! I also told him I’m a loud laugher and I think about food 24/7.  So I basically waved goodbye to any chances with him as soon as I hit send.  And I’m fine with that.

:: I'm just as confused as ever with C/Chaz.  We went to the library to study together last night - perfect opportunity to sneak off into the stacks and make out, no? I thought so too. Instead, we were actually good students and studied almost the whole time.  And when he walked me home, all he said was "You should cross the street now. Peace."  He forgot to say, "Have a good night, Chelsea!" Oh man. That boy...what does he want from me? Does anybody know? 

:: And now for something a little more deep - lately I have wanted everything I do to be worthwhile.  I first had this thought on Wednesday when my professor emailed and asked if I would please give a spiritual thought before class started?  And I immediately started thinking about something – anything – I could whip together really quick that would make me sound so super intelligent and spiritual and…then I realized that I could really use this opportunity to share something of note.  Meaning, I wanted to discuss something that my Heavenly Father wanted me to discuss. Cheesy? Yes. But after my Social Sev evening with T and various chats throughout the week, never have I ever felt a stronger desire to discover my purpose.  I know, I know. This is getting to be too much.  But I have been given the opportunity to be on this earth, and who knows why!  So even though this all started with giving a 30-second devo in a math class full of 20 year old girls, I really think I’m catching on here, guys!  If I want to make a difference and be a better person, all I have to do is include HF in all my decisions and daily life. I actually feel like I could go on forever about this, but then it just gets boring. So I'm done. Quick, here are pictures.

we asked the two ladies that were just a few switchbacks behind us to take our picture once they reached the Y. we had sworn that they started at the trailhead with a toddler...and they were toddler-less once they reached the top. it was concerning - so much so that we kept checking for a small child on our way down.

Fizzoli's with my boyfriend, post-target rampage in South Jordan. 

ox/C