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| an old picture of A and me on my birthday...don't be fooled by my face - i was definitely crying. i hate ferris wheels. |
Remember A? He has kinda been a big part of my life since last winter (almost one year ago!), and he's made a few appearances on here before. Everytime I see him I get excited for when I'll see him next, even though he's still right there in front of me. I lose myself when I am with him and every time he smiles or laughs at something I say. Butterflies in my stomach. Heart jumping out of its cage. I've actually never felt this way about someone before (STOP LAUGHING AT HOW CHEESY I AM). To him, I feel an emotional and intellectual connection. And last night - and the past week or two - I realized something. I want him. I want him because he makes me smile and laugh. I want him because I get excited when I look at him, as soon as he comes around. I want him because we have inside jokes that nobody else knows about, and I want him because I feel like we can talk about anything. I want him because we can stay up late watching episodes of New Girl or really anything and laugh along the way. I know I want him because I see things that remind me of him and I want to text them to him and we can laugh about it. I want him because he fascinates me, because I learn from him. I want him because I can look at him without saying a word and I know how he's feeling. And because of how regularly we've been seeing each other, it's been almost impossible for me to not think about him:
::Last Saturday, we went to Target together and as we pushed the cart together (even though he hates when two people are controlling the cart) around the store, it felt so natural. I'm sure people thought we were dating because of how we were acting.
::On Wednesday night when I went over to watch New Girl with him and his friends and we would laugh at all the same things and make the same comments.
::And when he loyally sat through the entire Lil Nugz first playoff game on Friday, I found myself wanting to be off the field so I could be with him.
::Then when he texted me later that night asking me to pick him and T up from a party, and we all ended up in his living room chatting.
::And finally, last night, as we sat next to each other at a game night playing catchphrase, I thought to myself I am not over this guy.
So, after talking to the roos about it last night, I decided to be brave/annoying/one of those desperate girls that always has to talk about her feelings (you get the point?) and I texted A this morning asking if we could get together sometime this week! And 30 minutes later, he was at my house and we were eating dino nuggets.
And within minutes of him being in my kitchen, I spilled the beans. Hey A? I'm still not over you. Ok so it was a little more smooth than that, but you get the point. After saying basically the same thing a million different ways and telling him that being with him lately has made me realize how great he is and how I compare every guy I go out with to him, he smiled and told me HE FELT THE SAME WAY. He explained how he has never felt about another girl the way he's felt about me, and how this past week he has thought about me a lot. At this point, my hands and my voice had stopped shaking thank goodness because I was actually worried that it was early onset Parkinson's. And then we talked in circles for the next half hour or so (until one of my roommates came home and somehow we ended up re-enacting our first date for her in which he swears I was begging for a kiss which I wasn't).
Before he left, we just kept hugging. And while we agreed that we weren't going to date unless miraculously we both felt that it was completely right because breaking up one time was enough for both of us, it felt nice to have all of this out in the open.
The best thing he said today: Christina, there aren't many people that I care about as much as you. I have my family and my circle of close friends (all of which are boys I know), but outside of that you are the person I care most about. And the sincerity in that comment was enough to keep me going for the next few days.
Sigh. I'll keep you updated.
Next order of business: I got in a car crash. I got in a car crash. It was stupid really. I was driving down the hill from Orem to Provo, and I started sneezing. Who even knew that sneezing could be so lethal?! Anyways, next thing I know...my car was stopped. By another car. Immediately following some expletives, I got out of the car and apologized profusely to the grandma in the CRV that I so rudely interrupted. And while I remained calm basically through the whole ordeal, poor Dave from the insurance company experienced anything but calm. I called him from the comfort of my own couch and promptly started bawling over the phone. I'm sure he was used to women (and men?? it's ok if you cry too men. destroying a very expensive piece of metal affects even the most emotionally stable of genders out there) crying when he asked And what year and model is your car?
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| thanks, dad, for still loving me even after i did, well, that. woops. |
Also, Mimi and I tried out Sodalicious and it's safe to say that I'm addicted. The drinks were on point, and the workers are the cutest ladies that just want to hang out.
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| this is quite possibly the worst picture ever. mimi, for clarification, does not have a gold tooth and i...just was struggling with keeping my eyes open. i guess. |
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