i can't stop

Baths are my time.

Not in some dramatic way like it's an escape from the world i need my alone time blah blah.
No, I just mean I am literally naked in a giant porcelain bowl and I usually end up turning out the lights in the bathroom due to the fact that I'm not super into my naked body.

So yesterday when I got back to my apartment and settled in, I realized that my bathtub was probably pretty lonely without me so I turned on the water and slapped on a shower cap and voila I knew it was going to be a good, albeit it overwhelmingly unproductive, evening.  *sidenote: doesn't it seem impossible to get the right water temperature in baths? like, all the time? like, when i first dipped my toe in, i thought i had blistered my toe off of my body it was so hot. so after very ungracefully climbing out from the depths of hell and hurriedly turning the nozzle, i waited a few seconds (seriously, probably 17 seconds at most) to allow the cold to infiltrate the hot.  again, i dipped my foot in it and i think my water had been imported from the titanic.  i just don't get it guys.

Moving on!

Yesterday, in the bathtub.  I brought in my current read Devil in the White City (thanks Michael!), my laptop for when I got tired of holding up a book, and left my phone in my room to charge.  A metaphor, of sorts, that I was leaving the world behind me.

Except I guess not because I brought in my laptop.

**this is an OLD jamba juice water cup. trust me, even if i wanted jamba on a sunday, i couldn't find one that is open in utah valley. 

But after a good half an hour of reading about a serial killer wooing women at the World Fair in Chicago (did that catch your interest? read the book - it's so good and spooky) and an attempt at watching a show, I, true to form, turned out the lights and turned on the music and closed my eyes.

And Can't Stop by OneRepublic came on, which lately I have been loving.

Because seriously it conveys my sentiments exactly.

I guess this is what it's supposed to feel like
When we don't talk, no we don't talk, we don't talk anymore.
I guess this is what it's supposed to sound like
The universe, the universe, universe is torn.

I know I can live without you
I can live without you half the day 

I know I can live without you
And put life off for another day 

But I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore

I said I can't stop
Thinking about.. thinking about us
Anymore 

I said I can't stop.. no
Thinking about.. thinking about this
Anymore 

And all I've got

Is nothing I want
Anymore. 

I know. Guys, I know.  I'm so so dramatic (cause obviously this is in reference to A, DUH) and why can't I just stop thinking about him?? But that's the thing. I can. And I have been able to.  In fact, ever since our talk, I have felt the closure I always needed. 

It's more that I don't really want to not think about him.  Remember how he's one of my favorite people?  Today, Jamie Taylor came into the office with leftover Carrabba's (for the fact that it's my favorite restaurant I sure need to learn how to spell it, I spell it differently every time) and of course I wanted to text him. Last night, he snap chatted me (like, it was a mass SC, but still) and when I saw it come in I think my heart kinda stopped? Just seeing his name on my phone still is such a fun feeling for me? 

Gosh dang it.  What's wrong with me.


Also, because I stayed up to an ungodly hour last night, this morning I wanted to put in minimal effort when getting ready.  Meaning I work up half an hour before I had to leave, showered, and put my hair in a bun. When I got to work, one of the student leaders walked in and, before even saying hi, she said "oh, so i wasn't the only one that didn't want to get ready today."  -__-  Then, my professor literally 4 minutes ago was calling roll and when he got to me, he said "whoa! i got scared by the new 'do. didn't recognize you."

What the what.

AT LEAST I SHOWERED.  In the spirit of Thanksgiving, let's all be thankful for that.