a friday packed with abc family christmas movies + weekends that just make you warm and happy

Wow how was that for a post title? I think I took a nap just while writing it.

Hey.  My weekend was delicious. 

:: We lost our flag football game.  This sounds bad (and it is) BUT it also happened to be the same night as our coach's birthday so amidst our flowing tears from losing, we were also excited to take our minds off our loss by celebrating Coach C's birth (complete with a birthday party at his apartment)

:: Friday consisted of donating plasma, awkwardly going to Costa Vida for the second time in just as many days, but this time to pick up my purse, and decking the halls of CT 29.  Mimi went and picked up some decor and, combined with Courtney's Christmas stash, we created the humblest abode of holiday cheer.  In fact, it was so cheery that Mimi and I couldn't bring ourselves to leave the apartment. Except to pick up Little Ceasar's only to retreat back up to our rooms and continue on the ABC Family Christmas movie marathon we had going.  Seriously, it was the best Friday I could ask for.  I cleaned my room while watching The 12 Dates of Christmas (recommend!) and it took almost the entire length of the movie just to clean.  I know, woof.  You would think my closet was the passageway to Narnia the way it kept producing more and more places to stash things. 

we just couldn't go on decorating unless Griswold Christmas/Christmas Vacation was turned on

what our friday night looked like

::Saturday consisted of sleeping in, a quick bra-less trip to the grocery store (aka my way of letting the world know that I'm not ready to function quite yet) and a matinee of Catching Fire with Meemz.  And we got into it.  Ever since our freshman year and our weekly Thursday Night Dollar Movies, we have known that we are the worst to bring to movies. We can't shut up.  We are either catching up, commenting on the movie, or just gasping really loudly because too much time has gone by between exchanged words.  But guys that movie was so good.  Then Mama Smith came over for a quick visit where the three of us talked about dating and...dating. Obvi.  Cause what else do 20-somethings talk about with their mother?

That evening, we went to Emilee's for a Pazookie and Puzzle night in which I talked to A (and it was totally fine! so fine, in fact, that mimi and I couldn't stop talking about how natural and cordial the whole encounter was...i think all that happened last week was the closure i finally needed to let go? maybe? moving on), bonded with some of my favorite ladies, and sat in between two boys that had me swooning due to their musical abilities (and one asked for my number! like, my weekend was perfect). 

:Sunday, we slept in yet again, and after church, Mimi and I laid in my bed in my dark room and just cuddled and bonded until Courtney's friends came over for a Friends Thanksgiving dinner.  Our apartment - which, let me just remind you, was decked out so we got major domestic points - was packed with friendly people and yummy food.  Courtney has this angel friend, Mary, who is special (ok so I say that because I don't know what's wrong with her? I don't want to be that ignorant person that says she has down syndrome then I find out she has autism and suddenly I'm condemned as a social pariah because I don't have my disabilities straight. I'll have to ask Courtney later).  But she's such a dear.  She sat with me, Mimi and Mimi's man all night, which really proved for some funny conversations (farts, Anne Frank, and the Virgin Mary...you know).  

sunday selfies with courty-court (sport court? or, the boys favorite, escourt).

It was the perfect kickoff for Thanksgiving week. 

always be my baby

- - - - -

First, an announcement. I'M PREGNANT.

Ok so maybe that joke isn't funny? The problem with making an announcement like that here on the web is that I make all kinds of jokes and I never have any idea whether you think a particular joke is funny or, even worse, you think it's true and you say to yourself I knew she looked pregnant in the shirt she was wearing the other night. -__-

Anyway, if for no other reason, I should stop making the pregnancy joke (I tend to do it a lot around the roos and such) because what if one day I actually do become pregnant and then I'm really excited to tell you and no one believes me? Then who would throw me a baby shower and slap my child at the grocery store? Or does that not happen anymore?

So. On to the real announcement. 

I have found what I want to do with my life. 
Namely, sing at karaoke bars.

Tuesday night, Mimi and I joined Emilee + crew to belt a little Mariah Carey (and Ciara...and Michael Jackson...and Barenaked Ladies) in front of the youth of Provo.  Including a 7 year old diva that I might have almost killed had it not been for the fact that I think she swallowed Christina Aguilera.  Those pipes, man!  They were gooooood. 

So Mimi and I, after minutes of pouring over the binder full of song options, slapped ourselves in the faces after we realized DUH we have to sing Always Be My Baby.  And our loyal friends stuck around for song after song. After song. After songs. Until 11pm and the restaurant was basically empty except for aforementioned diva's family.  And boy.  Mimi and I killed it.  Especially considering I was sick as a dog and the lyrics on the screen were definitely not right...? Oh, and how uncomfortably close I kept getting to the DJ/spinmaster/karaoke guru that I'm almost positive is a pimp. 



Secondly, doesn't this weather just make you want to drool? I live for fall, I swear. 

how can someone dump you when you're not even dating in the first place?

I woke up and my ribs felt bruised from thinking so hard on the events of yesterday.  For the fact that A and I haven't dated in almost 6 months and -  aside from the past month or so - haven't really been all that close, last night when called me it felt an awful lot like we were breaking up again.

The call started with "So I just wanted to say a couple more things that I forgot to say earlier..." and we delved into the confusion we [I] created by talking about how we were still very interested in each other, yet we both knew that dating was out of the question.  I was expecting him to say We probably shouldn't hang out any more than usual just to preserve our hearts yada-yada.  Instead, he said "The way I see it, we have two options.  Option number 1: we date, and likely run into the same problem down the road.  Option number 2: we let each other go." 

I'm mad at him.  I'm confused by him.  How can something I feel so good about (aka him) be the same thing he feels so wrong about?  I have never in my whole life been able to relate to the cliche lines in movies, but after the 45 minute phone call with him, I think I officially accomplished all cliches from Rom-Com's (except there was a whole lot less witty banter and hot make out scenes):

+ I have never felt so vulnerable in my life.  In a moment of brutal honesty (which we both agreed is the only way to have this kind of conversation) I said "I know, 100%, that I would date you, A." And he agreed, yet still is being held back by a "feeling."

+ I told him that I just wanted him to be happy, with or without me. Which, oddly enough, is true.  Sure, at that very second I kind of  wanted to go Carrie Underwood on his ass (sorry mom) buuuuuuut I also do care about him enough that if I had to sit in on his wedding one year from now, I would be completely happy for him.

+ We kept talking in circles to avoid hanging up.  Because we knew that as soon as we hung up, it was over. Dunnzo.

So here's my question.  And maybe I'm a little mad at myself for letting him slip away like this not once but twice now.  Why does he get to call the shots?  Why does he always get to be the one that interrupts my evening to end things? Why isn't my opinion just as important as his? What about me?

Here is what I would like to say to him (aside from calling him out on his temple tantrum [not to make fun, but i have come to decide that what he was feeling was not necessarily a prompting but an actual fear of his feelings...is this getting too dark and twisty for you? i'm almost done, promise!]):

I don’t think we kiss as much as we should,

And you’re the only person I will right now,

Because I’m a little in like [love?] with you,

And it’s terrifying.

There are approximately 50 million obstacles between us,

But I have the energy to break them all down,

and not the bravery to tell you that.

I know it's crazy that three days ago, I was talking about other boys and A was just a friend.  But yesterday, I decided to put my heart on the line and express feelings to him that I have had since June.  And because of that, currently, he's the only one on my mind. And my heart? Is that a thing? I don't know. Ok, dark and twisty is over.   

gloomy days (and i mean that literally - it was raining outside. that wasn't some metaphor for my emotions) call for a selfie in the bathroom? right? also included is the jamba that jamie taylor got for me - it's becoming my favorite tradition.

a moment of bravery which still didn't end with a boyfriend + a car accident (including pictures)!!

an old picture of A and me on my birthday...don't be fooled by my face - i was definitely crying. i hate ferris wheels. 

Remember A? He has kinda been a big part of my life since last winter (almost one year ago!), and he's made a few appearances on here before.  Everytime I see him I get excited for when I'll see him next, even though he's still right there in front of me.  I lose myself when I am with him and every time he smiles or laughs at something I say.  Butterflies in my stomach.  Heart jumping out of its cage.  I've actually never felt this way about someone before (STOP LAUGHING AT HOW CHEESY I AM). To him, I feel an emotional and intellectual connection. And last night - and the past week or two - I realized something.  I want him.  I want him because he makes me smile and laugh.  I want him because I get excited when I look at him, as soon as he comes around.  I want him because we have inside jokes that nobody else knows about, and I want him because I feel like we can talk about anything.  I want him because we can stay up late watching episodes of New Girl  or really anything and laugh along the way.  I know I want him because I see things that remind me of him and I want to text them to him and we can laugh about it.  I want him because he fascinates me, because I learn from him.  I want him because I can look at him without saying a word and I know how he's feeling.  And because of how regularly we've been seeing each other, it's been almost impossible for me to not think about him:

::Last Saturday, we went to Target together and as we pushed the cart together (even though he hates when two people are controlling the cart) around the store, it felt so natural.  I'm sure people thought we were dating because of how we were acting.  

::On Wednesday night when I went over to watch New Girl with him and his friends and we would laugh at all the same things and make the same comments.  

::And when he loyally sat through the entire Lil Nugz first playoff game on Friday, I found myself wanting to be off the field so I could be with him.  

::Then when he texted me later that night asking me to pick him and T up from a party, and we all ended up in his living room chatting. 

::And finally, last night, as we sat next to each other at a game night playing catchphrase, I thought to myself I am not over this guy.  

So, after talking to the roos about it last night, I decided to be brave/annoying/one of those desperate girls that always has to talk about her feelings (you get the point?) and I texted A this morning asking if we could get together sometime this week! And 30 minutes later, he was at my house and we were eating dino nuggets.

And within minutes of him being in my kitchen, I spilled the beans. Hey A? I'm still not over you. Ok so it was a little more smooth than that, but you get the point.  After saying basically the same thing a million different ways and telling him that being with him lately has made me realize how great he is and how I compare every guy I go out with to him, he smiled and told me HE FELT THE SAME WAY.  He explained how he has never felt about another girl the way he's felt about me, and how this past week he has thought about me a lot. At this point, my hands and my voice had stopped shaking thank goodness because I was actually worried that it was early onset Parkinson's. And then we talked in circles for the next half hour or so (until one of my roommates came home and somehow we ended up re-enacting our first date for her in which he swears I was begging for a kiss which I wasn't).

Before he left, we just kept hugging. And while we agreed that we weren't going to date unless miraculously we both felt that it was completely right because breaking up one time was enough for both of us, it felt nice to have all of this out in the open.

The best thing he said today: Christina, there aren't many people that I care about as much as you.  I have my family and my circle of close friends (all of which are boys I know), but outside of that you are the person I care most about.  And the sincerity in that comment was enough to keep me going for the next few days.

Sigh. I'll keep you updated.

Next order of business: I got in a car crash.  I got in a car crash.  It was stupid really.  I was driving down the hill from Orem to Provo, and I started sneezing.  Who even knew that sneezing could be so lethal?! Anyways, next thing I know...my car was stopped. By another car. Immediately following some expletives, I got out of the car and apologized profusely to the grandma in the CRV that I so rudely interrupted. And while I remained calm basically through the whole ordeal, poor Dave from the insurance company experienced anything but calm.  I called him from the comfort of my own couch and promptly started bawling over the phone.  I'm sure he was used to women (and men?? it's ok if you cry too men. destroying a very expensive piece of metal affects even the most emotionally stable of genders out there) crying when he asked And what year and model is your car? 

thanks, dad, for still loving me even after i did, well, that. woops. 

Also, Mimi and I tried out Sodalicious and it's safe to say that I'm addicted.  The drinks were on point, and the workers are the cutest ladies that just want to hang out.

this is quite possibly the worst picture ever.  mimi, for clarification, does not have a gold tooth and i...just was struggling with keeping my eyes open. i guess. 

 After re-fueling at Sodalicious, I went on to join the Lil Nugz in winning the first round of the playoffs.  So feel free to come and cheer on your favorite gals at 7:15 on Thursday.

 ---------

This week:

:: I was taken to “social sev” on Tuesday night, and I think that the fact I referred to a 7-11 in Provo as “social sev” makes me a douche.  But nevertheless, I went because when you do live in Provo and an old friend (and by old I actually just mean new but forgotten/neglected/we hooked up once and therefore couldn’t look each other in the eyes for 2+ months…now I’m rambling?) wants to catch up, it’s not like we can just go to a bar and drown our awkwardness in double seven and sevens.  So! Hot chocolate and convenience store donuts it is!  Which, if you know me, you know that donuts are my love language. So he was spot on in suggesting that we go there.

:: This week I have felt especially spontaneous.  And while my to-do list I wrote on Sunday night is longer than most children’s Christmas lists, I have neglected the necessary to attend to the extra-curriculars. Read: not doing homework because better options keep coming up.  Emilee wants to go on a hike? Yes! Offered the chance to drive the vespa? Me oh my YES...(it was fun until I completely crashed into a hummer and was laying in the road with a scooter on top of me. Then it just became hilarious.) Mimi wants to take a quick trip up to South Jordan? You bet I’m on board!  Social Sev is serving steamed milk? Hells yeah I’m there (and now I’ve said Social Sev twice in one post…you can just slap me next time you see me).  A wants to watch New Girl with me? Of course I'm not busy! 

This leads me to another thing: spontaneity at its finest, really.  You know the itjustgetsstranger blog? Well I have a crush on Eli.  The author of the blog. So I decided to email him and let him know I’m available! I also told him I’m a loud laugher and I think about food 24/7.  So I basically waved goodbye to any chances with him as soon as I hit send.  And I’m fine with that.

:: I'm just as confused as ever with C/Chaz.  We went to the library to study together last night - perfect opportunity to sneak off into the stacks and make out, no? I thought so too. Instead, we were actually good students and studied almost the whole time.  And when he walked me home, all he said was "You should cross the street now. Peace."  He forgot to say, "Have a good night, Chelsea!" Oh man. That boy...what does he want from me? Does anybody know? 

:: And now for something a little more deep - lately I have wanted everything I do to be worthwhile.  I first had this thought on Wednesday when my professor emailed and asked if I would please give a spiritual thought before class started?  And I immediately started thinking about something – anything – I could whip together really quick that would make me sound so super intelligent and spiritual and…then I realized that I could really use this opportunity to share something of note.  Meaning, I wanted to discuss something that my Heavenly Father wanted me to discuss. Cheesy? Yes. But after my Social Sev evening with T and various chats throughout the week, never have I ever felt a stronger desire to discover my purpose.  I know, I know. This is getting to be too much.  But I have been given the opportunity to be on this earth, and who knows why!  So even though this all started with giving a 30-second devo in a math class full of 20 year old girls, I really think I’m catching on here, guys!  If I want to make a difference and be a better person, all I have to do is include HF in all my decisions and daily life. I actually feel like I could go on forever about this, but then it just gets boring. So I'm done. Quick, here are pictures.

we asked the two ladies that were just a few switchbacks behind us to take our picture once they reached the Y. we had sworn that they started at the trailhead with a toddler...and they were toddler-less once they reached the top. it was concerning - so much so that we kept checking for a small child on our way down.

Fizzoli's with my boyfriend, post-target rampage in South Jordan. 

ox/C

call me chelsea.

When I was in second grade, I had a dress that I adored. It was purple and silky and was fit more for a toddler (which is how old I was when my mom got me the dress), but every once in a while I would dig it out of the costume box – how it always ended up there I have no idea, maybe my mom was trying to discourage me from actually wearing it? – and wear it to school.  And one day, as we all ran outside for recess, Heidi Schuster told everyone you could see my purple Monday panties through my dress AND YOU TOTALLY COULD.   Sidenote: Heidi Schuster is also the girl that stole my bofyi Jake Pinocchio from me by kissing him during recess right after I won the Principal’s Award.  That recess slut. 

What happened on my date the other night is much more humiliating (yet also more hilarious?) than my undie incident with Heidi. 

On Friday, C picked me up and I was excited! I had been looking forward to this date for days!  He thought I was a cool girl! Cool enough to ask me out for a third date!  Cool enough that he thought about me and would occasionally let me know by texting me!  Good old C.

We went to Café Rio, chatted (or, as I like to say these days, chadded) in line for about 15 minutes, and things were off to a good start.  At one point, we even planned our fourth date! This guy MUST be into me, no??  After we get our food, we walk around looking for a table, and he spots a couple he knows so we stop and say hi to them.  After a few seconds, C turns towards me and says,

“Oh, I’m sorry, this is my date Chelsea.”

…

………..

Chelsea.

Looking back, I should have let him save face and then later asked him politely if he remembered my name is Christina? Instead, I say,

“It’s actually Christina.  But it’s nice to meet you guys!”

In retrospect, I realize what I did was bratty and absolutely made everyone feel uncomfortable.  Including myself.  I could have been Chelsea for just those few minutes!  Poor C, he felt so bad.  He kept apologizing, and – as a coping mechanism or some sick talent I have to tease – I would make jokes about Chelsea. For instance, after dinner, he said, “Hey I was thinking about checking out the BYU basketball game, does that sound good?” I assumed he meant we would go to his apartment or something to watch the game, so I said Yes! That sounds great! But when we pulled up to the Marriott center, I realized he actually meant we were going to the game. 

“Oh. We’re actually going to the game?”

“Yeah!  You have a sports pass, don’t you?”

“Oh my gosh, I don’t!”

“That’s so fine, we’ll just go back to my place and watch it!”

“Dang it, I feel so bad. You know, you can just drop me off and go pick up Chelsea. I’m sure she has a sports pass.”

I’m the worst.  


(But really, I'm not. Because who in this scenario is the one that forgot their date's name? Not me.)

hornets + honeymooning.

First of all, how babe'n are my parents??  Mimi and I went to my parent's house on Sunday for dinner and the night ended with us looking through Smith family photos.  Cause who doesn't like to see a picture of little Chrissy with lipstick covering her entire face??

-__-

Anyways, onwards!  This picture! I can't get over it.  It was taken as they were leaving their reception and on their way to honeymoonin' (hence the nervous look on my mom's face? idk. is that weird that i pointed that out? let's move on quickly).  I showed this picture to my parents, who then proceeded to tell us (as they always do but the story still doesn't get old) that as they arrived at the little cabin in the mountains they were honeymooning in, my mom stepped out of the car. And straight onto a hornet's nest.  So as my poor mother was getting attacked by hornets, my dad rolled up a newspaper and started wailing on my mom.  I mean, he was trying to hit the hornets OBVIOUSLY but I'm sure it felt slash looked suspiciously a lot like domestic abuse...

They went on to have 4 [wonderful beautiful perfect normal] children.

So now. Onto my life. Which is [unfortunately] honeymoon free and [fortunately] hornet free. At least I hope.  Wednesday night, the night before Halloween, C (or, as Jennae cleverly calls him, Chaz) picked me up for our second date!! Eeeek! We went to Starbuck's and just chatted for a couple hours.  It was heavenly, he is so easy to talk to.  When he dropped me off, he walked me to my door and hugged me goodbye...then we hugged goodbye for real half an hour later.  I sent him the ever-faithful ADT, to which he responded and said "p.s. I'm watching Halloween on TV - you should turn it on!" So I said "I'm not going to watch that! How weird if I just turn that on and watch it by myself in my living room!" See what I did there? Ten minutes later, he came back to pick me up and we watched Michael Myers (who I thought until that day was the comedian Mike Meyers, also known as Shrek) at his finest. Third date this Friday, details to follow. 

Halloween was a major success as Mimi and I dress up as (here were the top three guesses from the night):

1. Babes in Toyland

2. Nutcrackers

3. Circus performers

Which were all good guesses. We were actually just a Baby Doll and a Baton Twirler.  But we said yes, you're absolutely right!  to everyone's guesses. Nothing like a little confidence boost for their egos, you know? Also, as we left the party we attended, we felt a little bit like prostitutes because every boy was cat-calling us.  So there's that. 

The weekend was followed by lots of studying, relaxing, and football practice. And by football practice I mean we did our best to make a game out of 6 players total. It ended with a mighty fine bruise on my shoulder (sorry Emilee, I still don't know where I hit you but you're probably in pain still) and a celebration at Sonic.  Because the weather was nice? Because I scored a touchdown? Because we love ourselves enough to go to Sonic?  And the evening ended with puppy cuddles and friend chats at Emilee's apartment.  

This is a super incognito picture from the band practice I attended last night with Emilee and Summer. We were shoved into the comfiest little corner of an attic and enjoyed an hour of jammin' along with our new best friend Ali.  Who is now my inspiration - does anybody want me in their band? I could probably even settle for a tambourin solo? 

Also: 3 weeks until Thanksgiving.  Halle-frickin-lujah.     

ox/C