it's like...

Awful.  That's what it is.  If you're curious to know my self-diagnosis, please keep reading.

From a young age, I have felt more than comfortable around boys.  Perhaps this can be attributed to the Smith family clan of 3 boys then baby Chrissy.  Some have gone as far to say that I'm flirtatious, and that's a sure sign of comfort.  So give me a boy any day and you'll have given me a friend. 

UNLESS.

Unless it happens to be a boy that actually catches my eye.  You know, in the romantic sort of way, where I get twitterpated and before we have even made eye contact I'm thinking ahead to the next time we will see each other.  Let me walk you through this story.

Yesterday, as Sacrament Meeting ended and the MR5 girls stood up to gather our things and mingle, someone caught my eye.  I had never seen him before, nor the other two boys standing with him, but he was talking to a woman that I have recently come to adore and who I assumed to be his mother.  Ok.  I started connecting dots.  About the same time he caught me looking.  After looking away for what I thought was a reasonable 15 seconds, I couldn't help myself.  This time, I caught him.  He smiled.  Did I smile back?  Yeah, I have no idea.  As my roommates and I made our way to the front of the room, I somehow found myself all too close to him and I knew it was too risky to take a peek at this point, so I made a bee-line for his mother and we hugged.  In my mind, this was a good move, because he then became aware of my relationship with his family.  Now I'm thinking it was too much.

Moving on.  We took our seats in Sunday School and M and I got wrapped up in a conversation as we waited for class to start.  Then.  Then he came in, walked past our row looking for seats, then turned around and came RIGHT INTO OUR ROW and sat next to M.  I heard introductions between the two of them, but for the hearing impaired (which relates to this story in multiple ways but I won't delve into that today), it was hard to tell what was being said.  And here is where the trouble sets in: this would have been the perfect opportunity for me to then lean over and introduce myself.  I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't do it!  I was stuck and nervous.  It was awful.  And while I'm sure the lesson was great, I don't remember it at all because I was all too aware of the cute boy sitting two seats to my left.

And now we've reached the conclusion.  The worst part.  After Sunday School ended, he looked over at me and we smiled.  Then he opened his mouth and what he said shocked me.  Well, not so much what he said but how he said it.  And that set me stumbling over my words for the entire conversation which lasted about, oh, 15 seconds.  And then I proceeded to mentally kick myself over how lame I am at communicating with people.  I couldn't think of one interesting thing to ask and now all I want is to see him again (which is so not likely) and make amends for how awkward I am.  And how special I already think he is!

Hopefully I don't regret this post later.  I'm already slightly embarrassed.  Happy reading!