another A post

Heyyyyy guys.  Remember A?  I would link back to posts about him, but there are none. 

Hahahaha.  I couldn't even type that with a straight face.  Like, honestly, go back a year ago and you'll find out probably more than you'd like to know about A. 

So here's a story for the strong-at-heart that are willing to read through the whole thing. 

About a month ago, I was ending things with a really great guy. It was hard and sad and I also know it needed to happen.  So, I reached out to A. Who has often been the person I like to go to with big things like this. He gave me great advice, coached me through the recovery, and even took me to lunch. After that, though, I didn't hear much from him other than the occasional "haha this made me think of you text!", which was normal. 

Then, last week, we made plans again.  To go on a run. This was something that even last summer when we were dating I refused to do - I am not a runner.  If I am running, everyone else should too. Cause it's likely I'm running from something, not because I am willing to put myself through torture just to be in shape. 

BUT I agreed. For whatever reason. We met after class, and he gave me a PB&J so I could fuel up before I humiliated myself in front of him. The whole 3.6 miles, we chatted - about dating, mostly. Not each other's dating lives, but almost everyone else's. It felt so comfortable. 

Over the next few days, we spent all our time calling and texting each other, making plans for the weekend.  On Friday night, a group of us went to the State Fair and I was so excited because HELLO ferris wheels and cute pictures and, like, The Notebook has that really cute scene? Where she pulls his pants down? Maybe cute was the wrong word there. Idk. Onwards! After a nauseating ride, losing a bet which resulted in me running up the steps of the capitol building singing the rocky theme song, and changing a flat tire, A and I ended up in the trunk of the SUV on the ride back to Provo.  *Note: this was when I confessed my first concert was Nickelback. I regret nothing. 

The next morning I awoke to thoughts of A andddddd quite a few texts from friends asking "So do you two love each other again?" As I brunched (ok we actually just had regular lunch but I feel like to cool-girl cred goes up when I say "brunched") with Mimi that day, I talked it all over with her: Of course I'll always like him. But anytime I've tried to make things work with him in the past, it backfires and we have to cut all ties. I would much rather have him in my life as a friend than not have him at all. This was my pep-talk to myself: if I was going to be spending so much time with him, I had to convince myself that being friends is FUN and GOOD and...sure!

So Saturday night, we all met up at the J's open house - so many happy tears! it felt like old times, all of us friends reuniting - and then went to Mimi's for treats and bonding. After a few hours of laughing and making new friends, A told me he was leaving but he invited me over for a movie that night.  I had internal struggles with this - of course I wanted to go! But I didn't want to get too invested in something I knew would end in yet another heartache, and I wasn't super pumped on that, having just gone through that. 

But.

I ended up going to his apartment.  No movie was watched, because all his roommates went to bed. In fact, I was a little confused why he invited me over because I was only in his apartment for a few minutes before we decided it was time for me to leave.  When he walked me out to my car, we started laughing and flirty-smiling (maybe that was just me actually), and as we hugged goodnight, I could feel him hesitate for a minute.  

Then. 

"Hey, wait right here for a second, I'll be right back."

I was so confused. I stood outside shivering, feeling a little nervous where this could go.  When he came back outside - sweatshirt and blanket in hand, that angel boy - he asked if we could go to the park and "talk."  Given our history, I knew where this was going.  We had had this conversation before.  Where we decide that it is just too hard to be friends, and since we shouldn't date, it was pointless and harmful to spend so much time together. So as we make our way to the grass, my heart beating so fast I thought my body was literally going to take off, I prepared myself. He unfolds the blanket, and out come a bouquet of roses. 

You guys. Roses. A bouquet of roses. People don't buy roses when they're about to break your heart. 

People buy roses when they're about to tell you they haven't been able to stop thinking about you for weeks, and how they have wanted to stop by your house and knock on your door and tell you that they want you back, and how they have never really gotten over you. 

They buy you roses when they tell you everything you've ever wanted to hear.  

So here we are! Of course, I'll keep you guys updated. Like, whoever you guys are. Also, pictures - for comparison's sake. Last year on my birthday, A took me to a fair and we rode a ferris wheel. It seemed only fitting that we pick up right where we left off. 

june.2013

september 2014

february 2013

september 2013. likeeee...i'm not positive that we've even changed. 

back to s[cool].

The week before school started was super strange. 

For starters, Mimi and I didn't live together anymore so we actually had to make plans to see each other. What is life!

Next, I did lots of firsts this week:

:: enjoyed Tucano's (Nate and Valeria came to town, yay! so of course we had to treat them to Provo's finest endless meat party(

:: went wake-boarding. AND I'M OBSESSED. 

:: went to a UVU party. never again. so many weird vibes. ok that's dramatic. but no, it wasn't my favorite thing to see multiple guys make out.  with other guys. no judgments, all god's children! but just...no. 

:: ok maybe that was it? i can't remember anything else. 

Then after picking up our newly-married J's from the airport, Mimi and I had a reunion of sorts with some of my favorite people. 

Also, remember how my mom works on campus now? lol.  I feel like I'm back in high school (except not cause I weigh more now and I didn't have to do homework in high school, so it's completely different actually).

Lastly, the saddest thing about school starting was having to ween myself off these kiddos. So, like, when can I be a mom?

the j-willinghams

After a stressful weekend of packing up and cleaning out good old Chatham Towne 29, a horrendous [hilarious] 30-mile bike race ride, and a couple sad empty nights in my Jennae-less bedroom, Mimi and I said "to hell with this!" and packed up and went to Vegas. 

No, really. We did.  

Because it was cheaper to fly to Dallas out of Vegas than out of Salt Lake. 

Trust us, we know. We spent hours one night calculating all of our options and when it comes down to it, I wanted to save that $200 for other things. 

Like, Sodalicious. And paying off my credit card. 

(also lol at the person that told me I'm good with money this week. just...lol).

Anyyyyways. Texas! This may have been THE funniest most exhausting trip of my life. We landed in Dallas at 7am, so the cute Riding sisters picked us up and shuttled us back to their house to nap. Oh, and sorry to their 18-year old brother that walked into his room and found two strangers in his bed. 

That night, we all went to Jennae's for a BBQ and swimming party!

As bridesmaids, we tried to be all cute by sitting with our feet in the

pool while we ate.  SUPER ADORABLE until you realize you're flashing 

all of Jennae's cousins, aunts, uncles, dogs. So that was cool.  

WEDDING DAY!

While we were only in Texas for, like, 2.5 days, we did SO MUCH. We slept in on Friday, then tanned and *gossipped by the Riding's pool.

*did George Washington hair and blew water out of pool noodles.

Thennnn we got invited along with the Texas crew to go to a Ranger's game before we went to the airport!

And I guess we can be baseball fans if it means we get free jerseys

(I actually don't know most of the people in this picture, so...)

It was so good bonding with old friends from my earliest days at BYU! And sending off our little married bby J. It was such a fun and emotional week.  

AND I love Texas. 

hiiiiiiiiii.

You guys, I have a million things to tell you. I feel like we are so behind on one another's lives right now. There's so much gossip and stories and thoughts floating around in my head. But I don't have time to tell you all of it right this second because RESPONSIBILITY (read: Netflix and sleep).  

I'm nearly twenty one, you know? This upcoming Sunday! Get your party pants on + your streamers ready + don't give me too much attention because I thrive on that stuff + before you know it I'll be twirling around singing a nearly unrecognizable version of happy birthday mister president + staring at you reminding you that you created this monster.  

Just kidding? I actually think it will be a pretty relaxing weekend - Cody has lots of fun things planned, the cute boy that he is - (the majority of my friends are not only out of Provo, they are out of the country), which is great becaaaause I have had quite the summer already.  

Ready?

found the donut truck!

midnight tub sessions

disneyyyyy!

apparently the only pictures i took at the magic kingdom were of treats...hm. 

lots of jenga and lost with this boy. 

provo food truck round up!

bonfires (+ scary stories, c/o yours truly)

i've suddenly become a softball fan. woops?

I CHOPPED MY HAIRS.

this lady got engaged WUT. 

ok bye wisdom teeth!

taco tuesday (on tuesdays, we [unintentionally] wear blue).

bzzzzzz! (see? apparently i like sports now). 

the naked and famous with these guys! (or, as my mom would call them, the negative payments)

the darling little babes i nanny.  mom points, eh?

and literally every other second is spent at seven peaks. 

honestly. every second. 

a surgery-induced soda fast resulted in a binge one weekend, where i couldn't go on without a fresh diet coke.  I'M WEAK SO WUT. 

breakfast struggles on a friday morning. 

aaaaand just girly things like...

DRESS SHOPPING. 

and, to bring us up to date, i started this book last night and finished it a few hours ago. i have to keep up with the kids these days, ya know? 

ox/C

i hate being stuck inside my own brain.

lunch with pam and chris (photocred: chris). awkard claw hand! i see it too! i was going for an intimate gesture? trying to scare people? idk? cringe.

because my life has been rather un-eventful as of late, i figured why not put up a few pictures?? and hey, my brain juice is not on it's A game today but why not let people know my thoughts as i sit at my desk drooling over the rainy weather outside? so here we go. 

April 2nd, 2014, live feed of C's thoughts:

:: does anyone know of a diet where you can eat whatever you want without consequences? it's an emergency.
:: does sodalicious deliver?
:: i can't tweet about my need for caffeine/pizza. then people will think i am only ever thinking about food.
:: i am only ever thinking about food.
:: when people walk in here wearing transition glasses i really can't help but laugh. but i'm justified in my laughing because 12 year old christina had transition lenses so go easy on those of us that have struggles. 
:: it's the end of the semester! and i am feeling so on top of things!
:: hahaha. i couldn't even say that last thing with a straight face.
:: i think my boobs are getting bigger!
:: april fools? (does it count even though it's april 2nd?)
:: now i'm that girl that talks about boobs on her blog. WUT i'm done.
:: what is the point of this blog post so far?

(now that i'm finished writing down my thoughts and giving them all the once over i can assure you, it only could get worse from here. this brain juice is really letting me down today, i tell ya! trust me people, i'm sick of me too.)


ok well in other news, our first championship game is this friday night and i am excited about it as this picture clearly demonstrates. 

oh and p.s. happy april fool's mimi.
and in case anyone is actually in need of these things, no judgment! tip for you: they're only 88 cents at wal-mart right now so hurry your little itchy cooch over there!

ox/C