another A post

Heyyyyy guys.  Remember A?  I would link back to posts about him, but there are none. 

Hahahaha.  I couldn't even type that with a straight face.  Like, honestly, go back a year ago and you'll find out probably more than you'd like to know about A. 

So here's a story for the strong-at-heart that are willing to read through the whole thing. 

About a month ago, I was ending things with a really great guy. It was hard and sad and I also know it needed to happen.  So, I reached out to A. Who has often been the person I like to go to with big things like this. He gave me great advice, coached me through the recovery, and even took me to lunch. After that, though, I didn't hear much from him other than the occasional "haha this made me think of you text!", which was normal. 

Then, last week, we made plans again.  To go on a run. This was something that even last summer when we were dating I refused to do - I am not a runner.  If I am running, everyone else should too. Cause it's likely I'm running from something, not because I am willing to put myself through torture just to be in shape. 

BUT I agreed. For whatever reason. We met after class, and he gave me a PB&J so I could fuel up before I humiliated myself in front of him. The whole 3.6 miles, we chatted - about dating, mostly. Not each other's dating lives, but almost everyone else's. It felt so comfortable. 

Over the next few days, we spent all our time calling and texting each other, making plans for the weekend.  On Friday night, a group of us went to the State Fair and I was so excited because HELLO ferris wheels and cute pictures and, like, The Notebook has that really cute scene? Where she pulls his pants down? Maybe cute was the wrong word there. Idk. Onwards! After a nauseating ride, losing a bet which resulted in me running up the steps of the capitol building singing the rocky theme song, and changing a flat tire, A and I ended up in the trunk of the SUV on the ride back to Provo.  *Note: this was when I confessed my first concert was Nickelback. I regret nothing. 

The next morning I awoke to thoughts of A andddddd quite a few texts from friends asking "So do you two love each other again?" As I brunched (ok we actually just had regular lunch but I feel like to cool-girl cred goes up when I say "brunched") with Mimi that day, I talked it all over with her: Of course I'll always like him. But anytime I've tried to make things work with him in the past, it backfires and we have to cut all ties. I would much rather have him in my life as a friend than not have him at all. This was my pep-talk to myself: if I was going to be spending so much time with him, I had to convince myself that being friends is FUN and GOOD and...sure!

So Saturday night, we all met up at the J's open house - so many happy tears! it felt like old times, all of us friends reuniting - and then went to Mimi's for treats and bonding. After a few hours of laughing and making new friends, A told me he was leaving but he invited me over for a movie that night.  I had internal struggles with this - of course I wanted to go! But I didn't want to get too invested in something I knew would end in yet another heartache, and I wasn't super pumped on that, having just gone through that. 

But.

I ended up going to his apartment.  No movie was watched, because all his roommates went to bed. In fact, I was a little confused why he invited me over because I was only in his apartment for a few minutes before we decided it was time for me to leave.  When he walked me out to my car, we started laughing and flirty-smiling (maybe that was just me actually), and as we hugged goodnight, I could feel him hesitate for a minute.  

Then. 

"Hey, wait right here for a second, I'll be right back."

I was so confused. I stood outside shivering, feeling a little nervous where this could go.  When he came back outside - sweatshirt and blanket in hand, that angel boy - he asked if we could go to the park and "talk."  Given our history, I knew where this was going.  We had had this conversation before.  Where we decide that it is just too hard to be friends, and since we shouldn't date, it was pointless and harmful to spend so much time together. So as we make our way to the grass, my heart beating so fast I thought my body was literally going to take off, I prepared myself. He unfolds the blanket, and out come a bouquet of roses. 

You guys. Roses. A bouquet of roses. People don't buy roses when they're about to break your heart. 

People buy roses when they're about to tell you they haven't been able to stop thinking about you for weeks, and how they have wanted to stop by your house and knock on your door and tell you that they want you back, and how they have never really gotten over you. 

They buy you roses when they tell you everything you've ever wanted to hear.  

So here we are! Of course, I'll keep you guys updated. Like, whoever you guys are. Also, pictures - for comparison's sake. Last year on my birthday, A took me to a fair and we rode a ferris wheel. It seemed only fitting that we pick up right where we left off. 

june.2013

september 2014

february 2013

september 2013. likeeee...i'm not positive that we've even changed.