cheers to the freakin weekend.

Let me first start off by saying that this girl did so much to make my birthday weekend so awesome!  And so full of surprises.  Remember A?  Well earlier in the week, that cute boy asked if he could take me out for a birthday dinner on Friday night, the day before my birthday.  After a yummy meal, he mentioned that we had to swing by my apartment to grab a movie we had rented the night before but never got around to watching (you know, the movie Mama? spoiler alert: NOT scary. or good, even.)  

Now, I'll admit, I was in a world of my own, having a great night with the boy I liked and couldn't get enough of that week, so anything could have gotten past me, really. But mostly, I have really great friends that are good at keeping secrets.  A and I walked in my front door and we were greeted by my most favorite people in the world. So I screamed. And cried.  Mostly because I was so touched by all the effort that was put into it.  I've never ever had a surprise party!  And Jennae got to work as soon as I left the apartment for dinner and made such a beautiful Minni-style cake I couldn't help but make room for it even after stuffing myself at dinner (*sidenote: A was so tricky about this, he even suggested we get dessert at the restaurant, full knowing I wouldn't end up ordering anything. or maybe he was just stalling?  Again, anything could have gotten by me, I swear. If you have ever wanted to swindle me into giving you loads of cash, you missed your chance cause that would have been the perfect night).  And her trusty side-kick Jeff Dunn (swoon I love that boy!!) was there to clean our entire apartment.  I'm so so thankful for such great friends.  

Saturday, I went on a beautiful bike ride with Papa Smith and good ol' Mikey Smith to Kneader's, after getting a very tearful phone call from my sweet mom about how sad she was that she couldn't be there.  I am just so very much obsessed with my family.  Then, Jennae and I spent a glorious 4 hours at 7 Peaks, which included:

:: way too much bumping & grinding in the lazy river

:: hot dogs, hamburgers, and fries. oh, and DP. need i say more?

:: a completely flat tube that we took on a ride anyways

:: spying on all the hot rugby players (and their teeny tiny blond wives. i hate myself so much right now)

Then Jennae treated me (yes, treated me!! where did this girl come from??) to a pedicure, after which we hit up our favorite restaurant: Chili's. Bottomless chips and salsa for #lyfe.  We ended the day by getting together with the boys to grace the Orem Days carnival with our presence.  Two hours and a firework show later, I was a happy camper (even the Ferris Wheel was fun - how could it not be if a boy was there to hold my hand and kiss me at the top??) and was ready to hit the sack.

So obvi, it was the perfect weekend to top off the perfect week (movies in the park, cuddling, basketball games, scooter rides, tanning, and everything else summer).  

Here is where the post turns into your basic sad-girl-sob-story.  So feel free to stop reading, k? Cool.

I think that this post did a mediocre job at expressing just how great my week was  - beginning to end.  After spending the last weekend in Seattle, I came back so so excited to reunite with A!  I had been thinking about him all weekend, even though we had just barely started to rekindle our flame (ew I'm embarrassed I wrote that phrase down - who am I??) right before I left for Washington.  We spent the majority of Tuesday morning and then the afternoon together.  He invited me to a movie at the park on Wednesday night, during which we cuddled and laughed and bonded. We both kept saying, "This is so fun! This is so summer-y! Look at us having a summer fling and being so cute about it!" Ok so we didn't say all those things, but I think we were both thinking it. I hope?  After the movie, we went back to my place and bonded with Jennae as she went through a dramatic ordeal with a boy.  As I drove him home that night, we kissed and I felt so so happy!  Before getting out of the car, he said, "Hey, I think I'd really like to date you." I got major butterflies. My life was so perfect! Summer was starting! I had a boy!

Each time I was with him, I liked him more and more.  Never have I been with a guy who not only wants to talk about anything and everything - from games of MASH to the most controversial subjects - but appreciates and encourages my opinion.  I loved getting into a conversation with him because it meant I had a chance to analyze!

The strange thing about all of this was the timing: our fling was kickstarted by a random night, after months of platonic friendship, of watching a movie. In which we cuddled.  And had a grand old time. And wanted to keep being together?  In the weeks leading up to this, and in the days during it, I kept having this thought: "I am ok being single right now because I want to be the best I can be for the next guy that comes into my life."  As much as I wanted a boyfriend, I also wanted to become better, in all aspects of my life - physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally - so I could attract the absolutely best person I could.  Yet I just couldn't shake the strong feelings I had for A!  It was so fun to be his, to always have fun plans, to get random yet validating texts or calls throughout the day, just pure fun.  It just felt right - I could continue my quest to better myself while I was with him! Yeah!

Then.  On Sunday night, after not talking to each other much throughout our busy day, he came over to say hi.  We chatted, laughed, and held hands for a few seconds.  After about 20 minutes, he sat on the edge of the couch, looking ready to leave.  I told him that if he was feeling tired, he could go home and we could see each other later!  He looked at me and said, "Ok I think I will. But first, I have to tell you something that happened on Saturday that made me sad."  He stated that He had woken up on Saturday morning, feeling really happy about the night before that we had spent together (oh my gosh NO not together, just for the evening!) and went to the Temple.  Where he had a recurring feeling that he wasn't supposed to be dating me right now. Which sucks because he really likes me.

I should be fine with this!

Two weeks ago we were talking about our respective dating lives..to each other!

I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend!

We weren't even serious.

But it hurt.  I started crying. We hugged, and I told him to go home.  There wasn't much else to say? He walked out the door and I crashed on the couch and bawled. I'm serious, guys, bawled. I got so swept up in all the emotions and I couldn't help it. I'm sure my roommates were upstairs so confused at the hysterical freak downstairs (ok, it wasn't that bad, but...you know).  Part of me wanted to hear a knock on the door and he would come back inside and we would start our whole night over, sans tears.  Now the worst part is, we won't be talking or seeing each other, at least for a while.  For good reason - I understand everything he said and it was impossible to even be a little mad about it.

At this point I have successfully ventured through my depressed phase. I have stopped at the bakery near my office and bought donuts and chocolate milk (because I deal with my emotions like a 5 year old) and I am now angry (mainly because I know I am going to have to run a lot to work off those donuts and chocolate milk).

And I am definitely not staring at my phone, wondering if and when he will text me, because that is something that lovelorn teenage girls do, and while I might still be in the final throes of teendom I will not be a slave to cliches.  And I am not thinking about our summer list full of bike rides, block parties, movies in the park.

Ok so I am!  Give me a couple days, guys. I'll be fine.  And now I have all the time in the world to become a better person!  Tiny fist pump.