five things (don't hate me)

Remember when everyone was posting those"five things" on instagram, and everyone else (me included) hated on it because it was blowing up our feed slash we were probably somewhat bitter we weren't tagged early on enough to do it and still be considered cool?  Was that just one long run on sentence that no one understood? Kk great.  Well here's the thing.  Even those of us that vocalized how dumb we thought it was secretly wanted to do it.  Back me up.  Or was I really the only one with conflicting thoughts concerning this?  Validate me, please.

So without further ado (and lack of anything better to write about because between you and me, all I did last night was laundry and write emails), here are things you probably never knew about me or will never need to know, but may make you decide how you really feel about me:

one::
I love dark chocolate more than almost anything, including milk chocolate.  Not only do I feel more sophisticated and healthy (? did i make that one up?) when I eat it, I prefer the taste of it.  Not to mention, there's always a surplus of dark chocolate at grocery stores cause no one wants it? And I'm ok with that.  I can be clean up crew.  With that being said, while I like my chocolate relatively milk-free, I prefer drinking milk to water...or anything, really.  So now you know my strange dairy preferences and eating habits.  From now on, it's safe to assume that I am at home eating chocolate [dark] and drinking milk.

two::
Elephants make me emotional.  Most things make me emotional, but especially elephants.  I cried during Water for Elephants when I first saw Rosie (and countless times after that), I teared up when I found an elephant necklace of my very own, I cried when Mimi showed me her pictures and videos of the elephants she bonded with in Thailand...it's just a thing I do.  And I have zero shame, because elephants deserve those tears!  They are the most darling animals in the world.  Oh, I get giddy in Despicable Me when the shrink ray shrinks the elephant.  I think I tried looking into mini-elephants after that movie.  Do you remember Kristen Bell's reaction to the sloth her husband bought her? I have all too similar feelings towards elephants.

three::
I used to love spiders.  Growing up with all boys, I was accustomed to sharing a room with the snake tank and collecting rolie-polies and all those gross things that leave me with no other option other than nausea when I think too hard about it.  Or think about it at all.  I used to let daddy-long-legs crawl up my arm and I would build little fortresses with lava rocks (you know, those red clumpy things that basically destroy your feet if you don't wear shoes)for all the spiders I found.  Cue hurling.  Cause like, seriously, let's all just take a moment and be thankful that spiders don't fly. Or else.

four::
If I still owned barbies, I would FOR SURE still play with them.  At least dress them up and put them into families.  Barbies were my go-to reward.  You know, like, if I didn't miss piano lessons for a whole long time, or I got 100 stars on my chore sheet, etc.  I learned many tactics as to how I could earn a new barbie: "Hi mom.  Will you give me a really big chore around the house so I can maybe get a barbie afterwards?"  Who cares if I was dirty, I was getting a barbie.  Sometimes I still find myself in the barbie aisle, or a sudden urge to stop in at Toys R Us.  And sorry if this is weird?  Idk. You guys, you made it to number four, please don't give up on my now just based on my barbie obsession.  We're doing great so far.

five::
Speaking of chores, one summer when I was 7, I decided I wanted a cat.  My parents took me to the pet store to look at kittens and I just about died from excitement.  It was beyond my imagination that I could own a living, breathing, furry thing that walked around and purred and did other cute things.  So my parents told me that if I really wanted her, I had to buy her myself.  So I said, duh.  After what felt like weeks of doing horrible jobs around the house and elsewhere, I went back to the pet store with $45 to buy that dang cat and a bag of food.  I picked a tiny little black one that was mid-sleep when plucked from the cage.  And things went downhill from there.  I don't know what happened - maybe I squeezed her too tight on the ride home, maybe she hated that she was named Binky (I was seven, guys), or that my brothers shamelessly tormented her until I was in tears.  Whatever it was, t h a t  c a t  h a t e s   m e.  She hates most people, for that matter.  She's going on 12 years like a champ though, considering the fact that I had to give up the majority of my Christmas presents one year just so she could have tinsel removed from her intestine.  I hope she realizes just how much $800 on my part and zero gratitude on her part has cost my heart.

I hope this post inspired you to still be me friend.

ox/C