Awful. That's what it is. If you're curious to know my self-diagnosis, please keep reading.
From a young age, I have felt more than comfortable around boys. Perhaps this can be attributed to the Smith family clan of 3 boys then baby Chrissy. Some have gone as far to say that I'm flirtatious, and that's a sure sign of comfort. So give me a boy any day and you'll have given me a friend.
UNLESS.
Unless it happens to be a boy that actually catches my eye. You know, in the romantic sort of way, where I get twitterpated and before we have even made eye contact I'm thinking ahead to the next time we will see each other. Let me walk you through this story.
Yesterday, as Sacrament Meeting ended and the MR5 girls stood up to gather our things and mingle, someone caught my eye. I had never seen him before, nor the other two boys standing with him, but he was talking to a woman that I have recently come to adore and who I assumed to be his mother. Ok. I started connecting dots. About the same time he caught me looking. After looking away for what I thought was a reasonable 15 seconds, I couldn't help myself. This time, I caught him. He smiled. Did I smile back? Yeah, I have no idea. As my roommates and I made our way to the front of the room, I somehow found myself all too close to him and I knew it was too risky to take a peek at this point, so I made a bee-line for his mother and we hugged. In my mind, this was a good move, because he then became aware of my relationship with his family. Now I'm thinking it was too much.
Moving on. We took our seats in Sunday School and M and I got wrapped up in a conversation as we waited for class to start. Then. Then he came in, walked past our row looking for seats, then turned around and came RIGHT INTO OUR ROW and sat next to M. I heard introductions between the two of them, but for the hearing impaired (which relates to this story in multiple ways but I won't delve into that today), it was hard to tell what was being said. And here is where the trouble sets in: this would have been the perfect opportunity for me to then lean over and introduce myself. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't do it! I was stuck and nervous. It was awful. And while I'm sure the lesson was great, I don't remember it at all because I was all too aware of the cute boy sitting two seats to my left.
And now we've reached the conclusion. The worst part. After Sunday School ended, he looked over at me and we smiled. Then he opened his mouth and what he said shocked me. Well, not so much what he said but how he said it. And that set me stumbling over my words for the entire conversation which lasted about, oh, 15 seconds. And then I proceeded to mentally kick myself over how lame I am at communicating with people. I couldn't think of one interesting thing to ask and now all I want is to see him again (which is so not likely) and make amends for how awkward I am. And how special I already think he is!
Hopefully I don't regret this post later. I'm already slightly embarrassed. Happy reading!
26.3.12
23.3.12
on sunshine and short skirts.
Well, everyone on campus is bathing in the sun like lizards on a hot rock. As I waited outside for a class to start, I could feel the sun beating on the back of my legs and when I touched the back of my head, I was more than pleasantly surprised as I felt it's warmth. Oh how sweet life is today! I am truly blessed to be here, right now, enjoying my first-world life as a student at an acclaimed university who's climate has reached one of utmost pleasure.
This morning, I was able to enjoy this little article from the Daily Universe. The topic is old, the concept innovative. I love this new look into the subject, one that seems to suffocate many cultures (occasionally even mine).
What do you think? Don't you feel a little liberated after reading it? Sure, it wasn't giving thumbs up to girls to go ahead and wear shorter skirts, but it sure makes you feel like less of a harlot for not wearing a pilgrim outfit.
16.3.12
summer loving.
Had you asked me to wear a short-sleeved shirt when it hit the 60's back in October, I would have slapped you and wrapped up in cute fall coats and my ever-faithful boots. This week, if you had asked me to bundle up in sweaters and boots because it was in the 60's, I would have slapped you. I haven't worn a coat all week, and I even wore sandals to school on Monday and a hot pink maxi skirt on Tuesday. As J has been saying for the past few weeks, "Spring is in the air, I feel it in my bones." How right she was!
 |
| heretofore, i was a virgin to chick-fil-a. i know, it's weird cause i'm mormon. |
Along with the indecisive weather has my own indecisiveness made an appearance. Emotions riding high, I made some rash decisions this past week. #noregrets2012, is what I'm told. So, having made it through the past week, I'm doing nothing but forward thinking from here on out. Here's to a better week with, unfortunately, worse weather. One day, the stars will align and there will be some happy medium in my life. For now, the sandals will be going to the back of the closet and those dreadful coats, boots, and sweaters I have come to despise will be wrapped on my body once more.
ox/c.
MR5 Highlights of the Week:
- C and M took a seriously scary ride down the stairs, only to have an accident (you know the kind) on the bottom steps. In front of B.
- The new found love of trivia games around the dinner table, in the living room, during study time, on the stairs
- Indexing
- Rolling the windows down the second we get into a vehicle (I mean, it was in the 60's, remember?)
- Crying. And crying.
6.3.12
i've only washed it three times
Yet my hair still smells like I've been living in the wilderness my whole life. But it was well worth it, because I love bonfires. There's something so rustic and wonderful about standing around a pit that produces fire just from nature's handiwork (and, occasionally, lighter fluid. lots of lighter fluid). Aside from girl's camp, I have only good memories of nights standing around a fire - with or without hot cocoa. Let's start at the beginning.
Back in Colorado, we lived on about 6 acres of land. Most of this land was pasture land, an open invite for parties, soccer, game after game of croquet, and illegal fires. One February, when I was just a child in society's eyes (and still am, I'm pretty sure), my brother brilliantly thought to bring home a slew of BYU friends (yes yes yes!). After a long day of skiing, we revealed our goggle tans and frozen hair around a huge fire in the pasture. We played many games and performed many strange tribal dances around said fire. At one point, we re-enacted the Olympics and did laps around the pasture with a torch. My only regret is that no pictures were taken that night. You would have seen boys doing splits, some egg-yolk drinking, some silent football, some really hot boys, and one very young me.
Skip a couple years - and couple hundred bonfires in between - ahead. Sophomore year of high school, my best friend and I discovered that we had broken hearts (sure). So with the few belongings we had of our respective "ex's" - she had a sweatshirt and a couple pictures, I had a corsage and a string bracelet - we slapped on some lipstick (I have no idea why) and adventured out to the pasture with lotsoflighterfluid. Again, if only the night had been truly documented. You would have seen even weirder things.
Two years later. Days after graduation and days before I left Colorado for good to come to Utah, my friends and I drove up a mountain about an hour and made camp. Now I'm not a big camper. My theory is, we live in a day and age where we have air conditioning, beds, and showers that all work and that we, in fact, pay for. I'm slowly getting over this struggle. And it's nights like this one that have contributed to my ever-enhancing like for camping. Love ya, Mother Nature. So anyways. This night, more than any, really has stuck with me. Let me be dramatic for a minute and say it has changed me. I was with people that really got me to let loose, even amidst the anxiety and anticipation of college life that would begin in only a couple days. We had a major DP to some summer tunes that upon hearing trigger the memory of that night. I had some serious talks with people I wish I had gotten closer to and serious laughs with people I shared my entire high school career with. I shed tears the next morning out of remorse and sorrow and yet also out of excitement for a fresh start. I also have never been that dirty in my life. #longestshowerever
One month later I was fully enjoying the Summer of Dreams. I was a freshman in college, but at that point it would have been hard to consider myself a student. All I did was play play play. After a trip to this beauty, I took an excursion up the canyon with some friends. This night encompasses so many weird things: I remember running from bats, running from cops, riding a couple longboards, stuffing someone's mouth with marshmallows, bonding with people that I have yet to see again, arisen jealousies that somehow put me in the middle of two friends, and a false-alarm sprained ankle.
Over a year later, I found myself at the same location as above, but this time on a date. I know. It was deluxe, hilarious, and cold. Fall was in it's prime, which added to the beauty. The best part? I was with my best friends! I wish all group dates could be like that one. If they can't be, I would prefer not to go. Us MR5 girls were treated to a delicious salad, steaks that we cooked ourselves over the open fire, hot chocolate that was prepared the same way, and amusing ice-breaker games. Although nothing came from the date - and I really don't remember talking to my date very much at all - except great memories, it is one of my favorite memories from sophomore year.
And that brings us up to date. THIS night was documented, thank goodness. I'm telling you, you're missing out on my early years by not being able to visualize those pasture nights. Alas, we'll all make it through.
Back in Colorado, we lived on about 6 acres of land. Most of this land was pasture land, an open invite for parties, soccer, game after game of croquet, and illegal fires. One February, when I was just a child in society's eyes (and still am, I'm pretty sure), my brother brilliantly thought to bring home a slew of BYU friends (yes yes yes!). After a long day of skiing, we revealed our goggle tans and frozen hair around a huge fire in the pasture. We played many games and performed many strange tribal dances around said fire. At one point, we re-enacted the Olympics and did laps around the pasture with a torch. My only regret is that no pictures were taken that night. You would have seen boys doing splits, some egg-yolk drinking, some silent football, some really hot boys, and one very young me.
Skip a couple years - and couple hundred bonfires in between - ahead. Sophomore year of high school, my best friend and I discovered that we had broken hearts (sure). So with the few belongings we had of our respective "ex's" - she had a sweatshirt and a couple pictures, I had a corsage and a string bracelet - we slapped on some lipstick (I have no idea why) and adventured out to the pasture with lotsoflighterfluid. Again, if only the night had been truly documented. You would have seen even weirder things.
Two years later. Days after graduation and days before I left Colorado for good to come to Utah, my friends and I drove up a mountain about an hour and made camp. Now I'm not a big camper. My theory is, we live in a day and age where we have air conditioning, beds, and showers that all work and that we, in fact, pay for. I'm slowly getting over this struggle. And it's nights like this one that have contributed to my ever-enhancing like for camping. Love ya, Mother Nature. So anyways. This night, more than any, really has stuck with me. Let me be dramatic for a minute and say it has changed me. I was with people that really got me to let loose, even amidst the anxiety and anticipation of college life that would begin in only a couple days. We had a major DP to some summer tunes that upon hearing trigger the memory of that night. I had some serious talks with people I wish I had gotten closer to and serious laughs with people I shared my entire high school career with. I shed tears the next morning out of remorse and sorrow and yet also out of excitement for a fresh start. I also have never been that dirty in my life. #longestshowerever
One month later I was fully enjoying the Summer of Dreams. I was a freshman in college, but at that point it would have been hard to consider myself a student. All I did was play play play. After a trip to this beauty, I took an excursion up the canyon with some friends. This night encompasses so many weird things: I remember running from bats, running from cops, riding a couple longboards, stuffing someone's mouth with marshmallows, bonding with people that I have yet to see again, arisen jealousies that somehow put me in the middle of two friends, and a false-alarm sprained ankle.
 |
| the ankle incident. |
Over a year later, I found myself at the same location as above, but this time on a date. I know. It was deluxe, hilarious, and cold. Fall was in it's prime, which added to the beauty. The best part? I was with my best friends! I wish all group dates could be like that one. If they can't be, I would prefer not to go. Us MR5 girls were treated to a delicious salad, steaks that we cooked ourselves over the open fire, hot chocolate that was prepared the same way, and amusing ice-breaker games. Although nothing came from the date - and I really don't remember talking to my date very much at all - except great memories, it is one of my favorite memories from sophomore year.
And that brings us up to date. THIS night was documented, thank goodness. I'm telling you, you're missing out on my early years by not being able to visualize those pasture nights. Alas, we'll all make it through.
 |
| my bests. |
 |
| said lighter fluid. |
 |
| white rabbit, anyone? |
 |
| per usual...dance party. |
2.3.12
my days in the wsc.
today:
-after a constant flow of people coming into the office and me rattling off the same information time and time again, i finally rewarded myself to the Reese's that had been staring at me from my desk for thirty minutes. good thing the dean walked in just as the said Reese's made a clean swipe across my front teeth. "how are you today? good? have you lost your appetite yet, dean h.?" gee whiz that happens too often (shout out to my girl Jennae over at par avion).
-being corrected on someone's name. about 2 months too late. sorry i've been calling you jared since january 7th, austin. what?
-snabbing the last cupcake from the dr. seuss party (to which i was not invited) only to let it slip out of my hand and land frosting-side down on the ratty carpet which, i'm sure, experiences a lot of traffic throughout the day.
-licking about 215 envelopes for the luncheon (to which i am also not invited) and NOT getting a paper-cut on my tongue. good thing, because my mouth already tasted like i had swallowed too many bubble bottles. yes, bubble bottles. think about it the next time you lick some envies.
-getting compliments up the wazoo from my supervisor. i know, it's weird that something positive and not embarrassing actually came from this office today.
-at least i'm getting paid to make a fool of myself.
-after a constant flow of people coming into the office and me rattling off the same information time and time again, i finally rewarded myself to the Reese's that had been staring at me from my desk for thirty minutes. good thing the dean walked in just as the said Reese's made a clean swipe across my front teeth. "how are you today? good? have you lost your appetite yet, dean h.?" gee whiz that happens too often (shout out to my girl Jennae over at par avion).
-being corrected on someone's name. about 2 months too late. sorry i've been calling you jared since january 7th, austin. what?
-snabbing the last cupcake from the dr. seuss party (to which i was not invited) only to let it slip out of my hand and land frosting-side down on the ratty carpet which, i'm sure, experiences a lot of traffic throughout the day.
-licking about 215 envelopes for the luncheon (to which i am also not invited) and NOT getting a paper-cut on my tongue. good thing, because my mouth already tasted like i had swallowed too many bubble bottles. yes, bubble bottles. think about it the next time you lick some envies.
-getting compliments up the wazoo from my supervisor. i know, it's weird that something positive and not embarrassing actually came from this office today.
-at least i'm getting paid to make a fool of myself.
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