life, lately

Ok hi it has really been a while.  And I wish I could say things like, "Sorry readers! I have been so busy between Fashion Week and all the Caribbean cruises my husband has been taking me on! But here's a really cool giveaway for all of you! And a lot of glamorous pictures with cool backstories!" But I can't say that because, well, none of those things are true. Not a single thing - other than the grammar and actual structuring of the sentences - is an accurate view into my life. I'm husbandless, fashion week-less (note: I did not say fashionless), cruise-less, and, let's be honest, reader-less. 

And as much as I love all the fashion/DIY/mommy blogs out there, it puts us all in such an intense degree of competition with one another.  Like, where did all these rich 23 year old couples come from and how do I become one? Right now I feel like I'm constantly pinching my pennies to survive off the occasional splurge at JCrew Factory, let alone buying matching outifts from J Crew for me and my budding family. With that being said, does anybody need a babysitter? Hair braider? Back scratcher? Hire me, I'm shameless! Anyways. We are all in such an intense degree of competition with one another, and it is simply unfair to have some of the scores rigged from the get-go. So when I wake up in the morning and catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror looking like a greasy combination of a used makeup-remover pad and a comb filled with sporadic hairballs, the only thing keeping me from tipping over into the frothing pit of insanity is knowing that other people look like this before getting ready, too. And then I meet (or, rather, stalk them via cyber world) that one person who just genuinely looks as though they were cut from a statue of fine marble and coated in a thin layer of the “glow” stage from the Bare Escentuals makeup procedure, and my life is ruined. They wake up looking flawless. They get out of the pool looking coy and sexual. When they get dolled up to go out, it’s almost too much to observe, like staring into the surface of the sun.  

So with my already heightened insecurities, today while on an errand for work in the bookstore, I had a moment with some EFY kids. I swear there are millions of them here, and their sole purpose is to block you from wherever you're trying to get. I'm not kidding. Anyways, onward! You know when you're walking past or standing in front of people, and they start laughing? Something about laughter happening behind you makes you feel like it's got to be regarding you.  This is basically how it goes.  You walk in a place, hear a bunch of haha's, and think:

What the heck is so funny? Am I laughably hideous? Is my walk stupid? Am I a bowlegged, pigeon-toed freak? Do I have poop on my jeans? Oh, gosh– did I poop my pants? No, no way, I haven’t done that in years. What could it be? Oh man, they’re laughing again. Is someone doing standup comedy in here? Nope, no standup going on — they’re definitely laughing at me and my entire physical appearance. Is it this shirt? Is plaid out? Was plaid ever in? Is it because I’m not wearing pink on a Wednesday? Ahhhh, ANXIETY OVERLOAD!

And it's one of those Mean Girls moments where you wish that you could at least happily quote the movie while staring social anxiety in the eyes.

"You can go shave your back now." Think about it. “You can go away now.” Meh, that’s alright, but not nearly as effective as telling someone to kick rocks and take care of the jungle growing on their spine. 

But instead, I had to endure it ALONE while standing at the counter trying to purchase a pencil sharpener. Sorry we're not all perfect 15 year olds with braces and acne and can't date yet...oh wait. I should be laughing at you.

So do you kind of get the idea of the day I'm having? I mean, it has been a really good day! J and I went to lunch at J Dawgs followed by a quick re-fueling at McDonald's (DC for life - I'm going strong on one year of addiction *fist pump!) and, of course, it's Friday! Also, the majority of the Smith clan is here! So these mommy bloggers and EFY-ers with way too much teen angst can't get me down. Ya hear?? 

Here are pictures:

i wish i could retell the story of this night and do it justice. but i can't.

it's spring, yo!

 

salt lake real game! and i swear my mom doesn't have lazy eyes, she just blinked. it happens to us all, right??

this beautiful place i live in?? my gosh i love this kind of weather

(oh how glad i am bbyJ is back! target trips for life!)

my new kicks. ya dig??

 I know none of this is even close to anything important or exciting, I promise I'll step it up to my A-game for the next post. But no promises as to when that will be. 

Oh and p.s.

please take note of the battery percentage. unless you're mature. in which case, don't. 

ox/C