life, lately

Ok hi it has really been a while.  And I wish I could say things like, "Sorry readers! I have been so busy between Fashion Week and all the Caribbean cruises my husband has been taking me on! But here's a really cool giveaway for all of you! And a lot of glamorous pictures with cool backstories!" But I can't say that because, well, none of those things are true. Not a single thing - other than the grammar and actual structuring of the sentences - is an accurate view into my life. I'm husbandless, fashion week-less (note: I did not say fashionless), cruise-less, and, let's be honest, reader-less. 

And as much as I love all the fashion/DIY/mommy blogs out there, it puts us all in such an intense degree of competition with one another.  Like, where did all these rich 23 year old couples come from and how do I become one? Right now I feel like I'm constantly pinching my pennies to survive off the occasional splurge at JCrew Factory, let alone buying matching outifts from J Crew for me and my budding family. With that being said, does anybody need a babysitter? Hair braider? Back scratcher? Hire me, I'm shameless! Anyways. We are all in such an intense degree of competition with one another, and it is simply unfair to have some of the scores rigged from the get-go. So when I wake up in the morning and catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror looking like a greasy combination of a used makeup-remover pad and a comb filled with sporadic hairballs, the only thing keeping me from tipping over into the frothing pit of insanity is knowing that other people look like this before getting ready, too. And then I meet (or, rather, stalk them via cyber world) that one person who just genuinely looks as though they were cut from a statue of fine marble and coated in a thin layer of the “glow” stage from the Bare Escentuals makeup procedure, and my life is ruined. They wake up looking flawless. They get out of the pool looking coy and sexual. When they get dolled up to go out, it’s almost too much to observe, like staring into the surface of the sun.  

So with my already heightened insecurities, today while on an errand for work in the bookstore, I had a moment with some EFY kids. I swear there are millions of them here, and their sole purpose is to block you from wherever you're trying to get. I'm not kidding. Anyways, onward! You know when you're walking past or standing in front of people, and they start laughing? Something about laughter happening behind you makes you feel like it's got to be regarding you.  This is basically how it goes.  You walk in a place, hear a bunch of haha's, and think:

What the heck is so funny? Am I laughably hideous? Is my walk stupid? Am I a bowlegged, pigeon-toed freak? Do I have poop on my jeans? Oh, gosh– did I poop my pants? No, no way, I haven’t done that in years. What could it be? Oh man, they’re laughing again. Is someone doing standup comedy in here? Nope, no standup going on — they’re definitely laughing at me and my entire physical appearance. Is it this shirt? Is plaid out? Was plaid ever in? Is it because I’m not wearing pink on a Wednesday? Ahhhh, ANXIETY OVERLOAD!

And it's one of those Mean Girls moments where you wish that you could at least happily quote the movie while staring social anxiety in the eyes.

"You can go shave your back now." Think about it. “You can go away now.” Meh, that’s alright, but not nearly as effective as telling someone to kick rocks and take care of the jungle growing on their spine. 

But instead, I had to endure it ALONE while standing at the counter trying to purchase a pencil sharpener. Sorry we're not all perfect 15 year olds with braces and acne and can't date yet...oh wait. I should be laughing at you.

So do you kind of get the idea of the day I'm having? I mean, it has been a really good day! J and I went to lunch at J Dawgs followed by a quick re-fueling at McDonald's (DC for life - I'm going strong on one year of addiction *fist pump!) and, of course, it's Friday! Also, the majority of the Smith clan is here! So these mommy bloggers and EFY-ers with way too much teen angst can't get me down. Ya hear?? 

Here are pictures:

i wish i could retell the story of this night and do it justice. but i can't.

it's spring, yo!

 

salt lake real game! and i swear my mom doesn't have lazy eyes, she just blinked. it happens to us all, right??

this beautiful place i live in?? my gosh i love this kind of weather

(oh how glad i am bbyJ is back! target trips for life!)

my new kicks. ya dig??

 I know none of this is even close to anything important or exciting, I promise I'll step it up to my A-game for the next post. But no promises as to when that will be. 

Oh and p.s.

please take note of the battery percentage. unless you're mature. in which case, don't. 

ox/C

daisy buchanan || a beautiful little fool

You guys, The Great Gatsby.

Throughout the entire viewing of the show - which, of course, we dressed up for - I was so enthralled with the glitz and glam of Baz Luhrman's latest masterpiece.  I could not stop idolizing Leo, all the Prada dresses, the swing-time music, Leo, Daisy and HER RING my gosh that thing was gorg, Leo, the amazing mansions that had me thinking yes it's ddddefinitely OK to marry an older man just for his money...and I mean however old it requires and, of course, Leo.  

Let's talk about Daisy.  First off, Carey Mulligan was on point with her roll as the darling southern belle socialite that landed a millionaire as a husband.  Secondly, why can't I be her? I mean, I get that she kind of has zero morals, a child she doesn't care about, and would be today's equivalent of a drunken Real Housewife, but by golly I will idolize her all the more for it.  She represents the way that all women want to be loved.  Because of her, a man became a millionaire and drove himself crazy by showering her with love.  I mean, I came pretty close to this last week when my dad slipped me a twenty to go buy lunch...

And I get that the story is supposed to discourage people from the ritzy life of the drunken millionaires and socialites of the day, BUT IT DID A TERRIBLE JOB OF CONVINCING ME because raise your hand if after you saw that movie, you thought to yourself, "Wow, that life looks terrible." Exactly. We would all give a loved one away if we could spend just a day yachting with the rich and famous Wall Streeters and Bootleggers from Fitzgerald's 1920's. And I would give a whole lot more to see Leo raise a glass to me at a party with fireworks booming behind him.  Oh what a dream. 

"I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool... "

-Daisy Buchanan

waiting + tmi.

so began the adventure to the doctor's - i had high hopes going in

 About a month and a half ago, I woke up with a cold sore on the inside of my lip. Oh I know, it's totally gross. The only people I told, in fact, were my roommates (I find it necessary to tell my roommates everything) and my dad.  Who, upon seeing the inside of my lip, made a face that conveyed a message of oh my gosh how are you my daughter that's NASTY put it away.

After weeks of putting up with it, and trying all sorts of ointments, my lip got worse so I went to the doctor.  This had been the first time in a year and a half that I had gone to the doctor's office, and I had absolutely forgotten how terrible it was!  This is because growing up, my dad - although actively involved in his healthcare profession- ingrained in his children a "walk it off" mentality.  He grew up with 3 older brothers, and had 3 boys of his own until I popped out and thus his hand at nurturing was relatively new.

When I was little, my dad was ill-equipped to deal with my constant baby-girl whining and fragile body, and so the phrase “you’re fine, you don't need to cry” became the default. (A worthy pairing to my mom’s constant overreacting to every scrape and bruise. Her purse, as far as I knew, contained only a tube of lipstick, a wallet and seven thousand Bandaids.) They're a good pair. She carefully placed the bandaid on and kissed the wound, and he ripped it off when I was least expecting it. 

So now, I tend to think that my body can heal it self.

For a while, when I was in high school, my family didn’t have health insurance and I learned to get by without visiting the doctor. Oh, I didn’t learn to be careful. I just used duct tape to keep broken toes together, drank powdered Vitamin C for everything and discerned which websites will give you a somewhat accurate diagnosis and which ones will just tell you that you have AIDS.

Let's get something straight: when your doctor's appointment is at 2:30, it's unrealistic to expect to actually see the doctor anywhere close to that time.  You must sit in the waiting room.  There's no chance of not waiting, they made a whole room for it.  It's like, all the doctor's are back in their little rooms all thinking to each other, "well we can't take anyone back here now, that would be wasting the room!"   So you sit there, you've got your fishing magazine or some outdated, ripped version of Highlights For Kids!, but you're only pretending to read it while really looking at other people wondering what they've got.  And let me tell you, everytime my name is called, I'm so tempted to look around at the other people.  For one, I'm excited because my young, naive mind thinks I'm going to actually see the doctor momentarily. For another, I want to say something along the lines of, "Well, I've been chosen. I'll see you all later."

boredom ensued quickly after leaving the waiting room

Then you remember - you've just been moved into a smaller waiting room.  My first visit with a doctor moved rather quickly - I think I only had time to send 3 or 4 snap chats (tip: don't ever send snap chats from a doctor's office. you WILL be asked, "whos's the father?? " "do you have aids?" or a simple "what's wrong?", at which time you actually have to tell people what you're in for. that was my low point.)  After examining my lip for a while, the doctor said, "This baffles me, I've NEVER seen anything like this before!" whilst trying to come up with a subtle way to ask me if I had a significant other that I was "active" with (I'm not entirely sure what that means)? Or maybe I just play the trombone? No doc, I've just got a weird thing on my lip that even you don't know what to make of it.

being turned away for having "trombone lip"

She sent me on my way to see another doctor - one that would hopefully know what to make of my lip.  And let me tell you, after waiting 2 hours to see him, I had high expectations. After all, I can only refresh instagram and read the same "WARNING: If you think you are pregnant ..." sign so many times.  He came in, didn't say much other than "Sorry, we had an emergency - a little boy's nose would not stop bleeding after he stabbed himself with a pen."  First of all, I knew the story because I was in the waiting room with him and his mother. Trust me, I knew the story.  Second, confidentiality?? Like, what was he going to do, go to the next room after he was done with me and say, "Sorry, I was held up by a girl with a nasty herpe on her lip and it was so gross it took me so long to take care of." Not cool.

However, after he examined it, he simply cut it off.  Like, took clippers to my lip.  And it was gone. I could have had one of my roommates do that to me months ago (right girls?? I think I could have gotten one of them to do it...probably the same one that took my blood right at our kitchen table because we were bored on a Sunday afternoon). 

post-doctor's visits. with nothing but a prick to show?? also, it looks like i'm wearing glitter eye liner. I'M NOT I don't know what that is.

 In other news, FELIZ CINCO DE MAYO!  Yesterday, we went to a park with chips, salsa and sangria (virgin, duh) in hand and had ourselves a little fiesta.  Complete with cousin cuddling time and some vintage basketball shorts.  Mexican Independence Day brings out the crazy in us...?

And we ended the fiesta with a newly installed weekly tradition! 

Jk I'm not sure it will ever happen again.  But it was really fun, and I would totally trust this girl to take my blood any day.

All in all, here's to medical procedures and a post that lasted too long on issues that may induce nausea.